Just a sec...I need my wine...

All righty then...let the typing begin. It's December 30. I don't even know what to think at this moment. I know we are supposed to sit back during this time and reflect on the year we just survived. I know some people will have had the most fabulous year ever so far in their life. Maybe they just landed their first ever "real job" and have been getting a regular paycheck and feeling the freedom of major financial woes as they were previously used to. And that can make for a good year. I also know there are some people who experienced a whole other type of year...begging on the street for money just to be able to find a cheap snack or if they are lucky, a hot meal for the day. Maybe even if it is just a warm six pack of beer. We judge the homeless for drinking...but in reality drinking keeps them warm and tricks their body into thinking that they don't need sustenance to keep on going. They do what they can to survive. And of course there are those people who just cruise through year by year not hating it or loving the year past...they don't pay attention to anything. Every day is the same...what's the difference anyways right?? I don't know if that is a good way or bad way to be...just on the fence and complacent with all the goings on in life. Where's the thrill, the excitement...the chaos? These are life things too...it's okay for it not to be perfect...it NEVER will be! That's the beauty of it...makes it completely interesting.

My life this past year. I can say it was the biggest and scariest roller coaster I have ever been on. And I have been to most of the major Theme Parks in North America...I LOVE the big rides. I have only ever puked once! ;op Between facing personal demons and major life struggles...relationship hardships...financial woes...feeling overjoyed with happiness for the love I actually do have in my life when I take the time to see it all surrounding me. All of these things and more made for a tumultuous year. But through it all I have learned so very much. And I think...I believe that I am a better woman at the end of this year than I was at the beginning. So good-bye to you 2010. I had high hopes for you thinking everything would be rosy and rainbowy and happy days always. It was year of the Tiger...my year. I was 35...sounds like a great number. But being pathetic to myself in the past caught up with me this past year. It's time to have self respect...and I think I actually have it now. I have taught myself to love and respect myself...I am important and worth it. We all are. We really need to love ourselves more and feel happy within because we are GOOD PEOPLE.

I welcome you 2011...bring it on! Cheers to a rocking New Year! Peace out!!

I just can't hold it in...I REALLY love Christmas.

Oh, do I ever. It truly is my favourite holiday of all time ever in my history of holidays that I do celebrate.Of course as a kid you are anxiety ridden over thoughts of what is going to be under the tree. I will confess to enjoying Christmas for the presents...we were pretty spoiled with gifts I have to admit. There always were a lot of presents under the tree for our family. And every year there was that one "special" gift that you had wished and waited for. For some reason...the one gift that stands out the most to me now is my Cabbage Patch Doll I got in grade 5.Oh man...that was a great night. (we opened up presents on Christmas Eve after church service...traditional German Christmas.) I remember seeing 2 of those funny shaped I know exactly what's in that box, box!! One was addressed to me, the other to Stephanie. We screamed and tore open those boxes. Mine was Agnes Jeanette born on September 1st...she had brown shoulder length hair that was held in pig tails that were also tied at the bottom...she wore a purple baby doll knit top with purple knit bloomers and there was a little ducky on the top. She was FABULOUS! I still have her...pack rat...who me?! The dress she has on is one that I wore when I was a wee little baby. I think my mom said I wore it once. You know...babies grow so fast...or maybe I just grew way super fast and went through a million cute little dresses before I was 1! I do have a box that has a lot of cute little knit dresses from when I was so cute and teeny...along with a bunch of my stuffed animals too. Ha ha...Clint thinks it is a little insane of me. I love that I have kept it all.
I believe that Steph still has her Marianne ____ who had red hair tied in braided pigtails...she wore a yellow jersey dress with a pink heart and light pink leotards. I do not remember her birthday. ;op I just recall that Christmas as the most exciting gift opening...a Cabbage Patch Doll was something I really truly felt I needed so bad. I don't remember ever wanting a TOY that bad before. But I also liked getting new pj's and undies and patterned socks...those I always knew I needed and loved getting them.

Even though I had always been a fan of the whole gift exchange program during Christmas of which I always pretended I wasn't in a rush to get home from Church, have delicious kaffee und kuchen, read the Christmas Story and then...Bonanza...Let's open presents!!! I loved that our family would be together with our cousins and grandparents. We would have a wonderful big meal with all of the fixings while sitting around the tables (kids & adult) laughing and chatting and just enjoying being in the presence of the people we love and cherish most...family. Then of course after all has been said and done, everyone with full bellies and reminiscing about the lovely evening we all just shared together we would play with our new toys and what not and have fun til the wee hours of the night. That is what I love about Christmas. Good food, good people, good laughs, fun times and lots and lots of love. To me Christmas is family & LOVE.

This Christmas it was just Clint and I. I was so looking forward to a quiet Christmas with just the two of us. I also was feeling sadness over not being with my family...I haven't seen my nieces and nephews since last Christmas and they grow so fast. But...this Christmas was heavenly. Clint cooked me an amazing and huge Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. We ate turkey leftovers until today! Perfect! We just stuffed our bellies then enjoyed some wine and just sitting in the living room chatting. I decided I wanted to give him the few things I picked up for him. Multi-purpose saw thingy majiggy tool that he is over the moon about and some chocolates and a book...I had also bought him a beautiful New Zealand wool sweater that I gave him last month! ;o) Things that he needs. He made me a few things that pretty much melted my soul. He painted a portrait of me a few years back...to surprise me he constructed a fabulous wooden frame with denim and leather and studs and daisies...I love it!! And then he made me an art piece...reclaimed wood surrounding a glass block that is painted with transparent red...it has metal daisy studs on it, tin and sea boat wood and rope...it's so incredible. It is our hearts together forever...inseparable. See...soul melting. I love my husband...and he loves me...sweet! :o) I now need to find the perfect spot for it to hang and for us to enjoy looking at and thinking about our love for another. Those were the thoughts I went to bed with...love. We slept in til 10:30 Christmas day and had a super lazy relaxing day of drinking Bailey's in our coffee with mimosa's and yummy eggs and toast...taking an afternoon nap and then watching movies. Special Christmas day for us.

Well...I love Christmas. I am sad it is over. New Years is about to roll by...thank goodness! 2010 was an exhausting year for me. I did a lot of soul searching and mind figuring outing and just things to better myself as a human being and wife. I have made some major mistakes in my life...and I used this past year to actually take the time and learn a lesson from them. Taking responsibility can be very hard! But I'm glad I did it...and it's still a work in progress. ;o)

Peace out...

L&PL

No...it's not what you're thinking...it is NOT the name of a railroad company...ha ha! It stands for Lazy & Procrastinating Lady...meaning me! :op I sometimes feel like I am one of the laziest people around. Perhaps in the whole universe of lazy people...I may just be nominated as the queen. Or at least this is a perspective that I take at times. I really am not lazy. I keep a clean home...I go walking...I garden when I have the strength, or not...I try and do as much as I possibly can. The thing is, I want to do so much more. I just can not. Boo. But, that is okay. We can't always get what we want, right Mick?? And that doesn't have to make me feel bad about myself and feel that I am a lazy and pathetic fool that gets nothing done...ever! I am not pathetic nor lazy. I just take my time and get things done as they should be. And that is good enough. Why do we put ourselves down so much? We all do it...why?? If I just had more self confidence...I could RULE THE WORLD...errrr...I mean my world. :o) Feeling good about who you are and what you do and all that jazz is an incredible thing...not shallow. Self confidence is a pure and wonderful virtue. Feeling good about ourselves will do nothing but make us happier and those around us also feel happy and hopefully then see what is so amazing about themselves too. I know it's been said a million times before by a million or more people. But it's something that I think we all need to also figure out and understand ourselves. Just like being 22 and thinking you know everything about life and think you are so mature and beyond most others because..."oh my gosh, I have like totally been out of high school for 4 years. I am soooooo mature. Full on adult...legal in EVERY country!" I felt that way back then. Now...looking back I can see what a fool I was...not a fool, I just didn't know any better because I hadn't lived long enough. I am still learning. One day I will look back at being 36 and think..."oh man...what a silly girl I was back in 2010. So immature...I have learned so much in the last 20 years. Thanks God for the aging process." At least that is a sentiment I do share with my older self. I do enjoy getting older...and wiser. ;o)

L&PL...I was feeling lazy because I started this blog so that I would continue keeping a journal. I feel a journal is such a soul enriching "hobby". It's good to get stuff out of our heads sometimes. Even if it is just meaningless chatter...it's still good. I stopped writing in my journal about 8 years ago. Writing gives my fingers/wrist and elbow incredible pain. Nice eh? Another thing I love to do and can not...dammit! Anyhow...typing is not good for me wither but it doesn't take as long. And backspacing is a lot quicker than erasing or white outing and waiting for the "paint" to dry. I used to be able to type 40 wpm...yes, I did. Had to take a test and everything once. Pretty good for a one armed girl! ;o) Don't know if I type that fast anymore...I take it easy. But I will always relish in the knowledge that I did type 40 wpm at one point in my life. That is equivalent to someone typing 80 wpm...which is supahfast speed. So...I am proud of me for what I used to be able to type. Hee hee. See, I am trying to be more self confident...even in the things that may not be anymore. :o)

Time for bed...got a nice fire roaring and the house is warm. That makes me happy.

All right...rant on...

Why thank you...I think I will. ;op

T'is the season for an over abundance of radio and TV commercials advising you of exactly what your loved ones want for Christmas. But, of course some random marketing executive in New York or LA has that knowledge to tell me where to go and buy that perfect gift for my husband or wife or daughter or son or mother or father or Oma or Opi or friend or WHOEVER! Because... how would little ol' me...who has only grown up with these lovely people and gotten to know them on a personal basis...how would I even come close to coming up with the perfect gift. (Not that a gift NEEDS to even be bought of course.) I especially love the commercials when they "trap" a consumer who already has their perfect gift that was so amazing to get...but tell them that it is the lamest gift EVER. You know what I'm talking about. "Ma'am...what are you doing in the board game section?? Get out of there!! Don't you know there is a reason they are called 'BOOOORED' games?" Why get a game that allows for your family to get together and enjoy laughter and conversation and getting closer to one another when you can bring home a computer or video game. Sit in front of the idiot box and don't even look at or talk to one another! That sounds like a great idea. Who would even want to know their children as a human being? That is ludicrous...that is so 1950's! When your child or husband or wife or who ever is the vid game lover in your family has their face glued to the TV set for hours and hours...you have the freedom to do whatever you want. This is how the media makes it sound so good to us. You don't even need to have a real relationship with anyone in your family anymore. Like that is supposed to be a good thing. It's just how the world seems to be these days. And because everyone is doing the same thing, we shouldn't feel bad about not caring for or spending time with those we love. Oh sure..."my wife sits on the couch beside me while I play hours of Grand Theft Audi'crappio. So we ARE together...that's spending time...right?" WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would fill the whole rest of a long paragraph with more exclamation marks if it wouldn't look redundant...or childish. I just feel like super strongly about this whole deal that is going on in the lives of humankind. They even make phones that can open up a series of apps on your screen and work faster so that while you are out with your children at the park you can still fart around on your telephone AND internet while you are sort of paying attention to the kids that are so very desperately wanting only YOU to for REAL pay attention to them. This way of life only creates silence in the home...silence in your life. Soon enough you will text or call your parents/spouse/kids/friends when they are sitting in the chair right next to you. Maybe humans will lose the ability to use their vocal chords. Soon we will be like robots...mechanical voices...deadpan stares...hard like steel on the inside, but still with that old time human feel. Not that you would even ever touch someone...oh my! No...we won't even have that. You send your boyfriend xxoo's to his cel phone that is now actually part of his face. To make babies...ha...you don't make love with your spouse...ewwwww! You get your eggs and sperm extracted from your body by a computer...and it only takes 1 1/2 minutes! And then your baby is then incubated in a special "womb-like" substance filled aquarium. So, now, as a mother to be you can get back to your special "second life" game...pretend you are a human! That would be so fun...imagining what it would be like to have a real voice to call your friend up and chat for hours...or hug your child with your arms...maybe even a soft and loving kiss on their forehead so that they can honestly FEEL the love.

Living on an island where we don't even have one traffic light...life is sweet and slow. It's a life where we can still feel the rush of the city life as we all must work, go see the Dr or dentist, drive to get the groceries and everything else that everyone else in the world does. I just feel a nicer pace here...just slowed down so that we enjoy all the tasks we have to do and then even more enjoy the things we love to do. Like walking down to the beach through the forest...meeting your friends for a Sunday Caesar at Silva Bay Bar & Grill and enjoying the beautiful scenery of sailboats and little islands and ocean with mountains way in the background...planting and growing veggies and flowers in the garden...painting or deco-paging or sewing or reading or whatever the heck makes you FEEL good. We can make life a rush if we choose to...just like city dwellers can take it easy if they really want to. I know there are lots of peeps out there that do take time and enjoy...start converting or something. Maybe the media should focus more on celebrating family life and outdoor life and liking life for what it offers. Breathe in the sweet air...I suggest doing this in a park far away from car exhaust. Smell the air...smell the roses...go for a bike ride with someone...take a nice walk with the kids and start exploring the life that lives in nature. Make at least every other night the night that you spend time with those you love...NOT watching TV (which lately I admit to wasting hours upon hours in front of my very own idiot box...but I also take long walks and try and be a little creative every day.)...conversating. Talking and laughing and maybe if you can convince your husband who hates playing board games, actually physically can not stand it and has a hard time enjoying a frustrating little game...like scrabble, which I love...you can enjoy each other. And I feel that deep down inside Clint loves scrabble too! lol I don't know...I just think family is so important. And by family I mean the ones closest to you. The ones you live with...even if you are just room mates. You share a space...and if you are sharing that space and actually enjoy one another's company...well, I feel that too is family. All of a sudden I feel as though I am rambling...ha ha ha!!! I think it's time to stop this madness...it should stay in my head!

Just enjoy life.
p.s. it's a family of mushrooms...they always stick together. ;o)

Le mois de Decembre c'est tres busy...n'est pas?

No matter if we love or hate Christmas...we are incredibly busy because of it. And it's not only because we have been taught...by social media...throughout the last century, that Christmas is about getting the people we love the "perfect" gift. Some of us even start in July & August to find these items. As much as I think that the advance purchases are smart and practical...saving time for other stuff in December...I have never been one to see it as a necessity to start the hunt early. Although...there has been the odd occasion where I am out and about and find the most perfect gift for a friend or family member. And it may be anytime after Christmas and the next...but I have kept it until I could give it as a gift. A little weird I do have to say. Why isn't any day a perfect day for giving someone I love a gift?? Cause truly...that is NOT what Christmas is all about. But that is a WHOLE other debate that I could just sink my teeth right into! ha ha! But still, December generally is a month busy with that of scurrying about in the malls and studios buying those we cherish a present for under the tree. Or...better yet...taking the time to make something special for the ones we love.

December...the month of staff Christmas parties. They literally will start the very first weekend in the month...like we aren't already anxious that Christmas is almost already here! If you are single you go to one every December...as a couple you generally hit two parties. This will inevitably take up two of your precious weekends. On top of the staff party, we have the festive season house parties. "It's almost here guys...let's have a pre-Christmas party!!" There will be at the VERY least one of those parties...thank goodness they are fun times. :o) If you have children...you have the school Christmas pageant which, again, is at least one pageant per season...maybe two, depending on the number and age of the children you have. Last but not least, we have our family dinner parties during the actual days of Christmas...misfit Christmas dinner parties too. (A misfit Christmas for those that do not know is a gathering of those who are not with their actual family for the holidays. But instead, spend Christmas with their other family...their precious friends.) These take place usually between the 24th-27th. Some times we go to two dinners in one day...complete and utter madness...but it happens. And I can't forget that my birthday...along with millions of others is in December. So we will also have to celebrate a birthday or two in the month. I just turned 36! Yeah!

Christmas cards and tree trimming. When I am feeling like a super keener, I write my Christmas cards during the evening of November 30th...then I mail them out the very next day. I am sure there are many other who practice this same ritual...and actually are able to do it every year this way. Not me. But still, Christmas card mailing out takes time. I would guesstimate 1 1/2 hours...and that is sending out 25 cards. That's what I do. Some people send out many more...I can't imagine the patience you need to have to endure more than 1 1/2 hours of writing out nice messages, writing out the addresses, licking the envelopes, sticking on your address label and the stamp. So monotonous. Yet, I love to do it...and so do other people. Anyhow, it's an evening. Same with trimming the tree. Either hauling the tree out of the closet and setting it up...making the branches look perfect. Or going out and picking out that perfect shaped and beautifully scented tree to take home and put up. Tree trimming is quite a process. It requires untangling of little lights and garlands...sipping on some wine and/or brandy in tea and/or Bailey's in coffee or hot chocolate mmmmm...or Kahlua...twirling the lights and garland onto the tree...finding the ornaments and creating your perfectly decorated tree...let's not forget placing the angel or star or moon snail tree (Frank & Jodie) topper. Trimming the tree is another full evening chore. But one of the important chores...the "chore" that actually makes you feel like it's Christmas and gives you that happy feeling inside. That feeling you used to get as a child when Christmas was soon to come. At least I was excited always. Our family gathering are always very special during Christmas.

That's what I love most about Christmas...getting together with my family and celebrating the holidays. Laughing and talking and eating delicious foods and showing each other how much we love each other and how special we are to one another and how we miss being together throughout the rest of the year. This year, Clint and I have decided to stay home and have our own family Christmas. Him and I. We ARE family. :o) We also, fortunately, are surrounded by many friends we love so dearly and will spend time with all of them this holiday season. A nice intimate island Christmas...I'm excited. ;o)

All right...Christmas is over...New Year's Eve!! I'm tired already. PFFFFFFT!

Let's eat!

Tis the season to eat some...eat a little more and then eat a snack a little later cause there is some yummy food to eat. I would way rather splurge on delicious treats for the household...having snacks for when people stop in...or just to constantly much on ourselves. The only things I truly need are; love...I am married to an amazing man and have sweet animals to love me and love back. Shelter...we are fortunate enough to have a lovely home to rent that we can stay dry and warmed up by the wood stove. And FOOD...we are incredibly lucky that each day we can wake up have a cup of warm tea or coffee, a piece of toast with an egg, if there are some in the fridge...and then get on with the day. So as we spoil ourselves with lots of yummy treats for Christmas...starting with my birthday this weekend...we are also spoiling ourselves with love. Eating makes us happy therefor we are happier to one another making each day feel so wonderful. I would like to carry this on through out the year. Maybe not over spending at the grocery store...but the super happy and lovey part...yes!

I know there are many people around the globe who will not be indulging in fatty yet scrumptious meals...and sadly many who won't even get a nibble of a piece of bread. The world seems so messed up to me when this is the reality of society. We by no means have money...in fact like most we are always in the debt not credit end of the spectrum. And we for sure don't always have a fridge full off delicious snacks and meals and juices and what ever yummy thing I could think of to enjoy. But I have love. Love, I feel is the number one. When there is a lack it's as if the essence of life is dim...what's the worth. So my wish this season is that everyone on this planet is at least stuffed with love...from a spouse/family/pet/neighbour/stranger passing by on the street making eye contact and a smile that can warm the soul...I just want everyone to have and feel love. Love makes us strong.

Pass the gravy...but more importantly...pass the love on!

Peace.

Would you like to swing on a star...

I TOTALLY would!! Oh, ha ha...I can't, it hurts. Boo! Super lame and super depressingly true. I just realized last weekend that I no longer can enjoy the sport...err I guess it's an activity...but I can't swing anymore. I find that makes me feel really fabulous. NOT. I find it intensely irritating when I figure out things that I like to do and they actually cause me pain. In reality...it's not like these activities have ever been the centre of my universe. Nor does not being able to enjoy them truly affect my life in a horrible way. Life is still amazing and there is always much to enjoy. But still. It ticks me off.

Take, for example...bowling. I really, REALLY love to bowl. Honestly. Ever since my first time playing 5 pin. You know...the small balls that are so cute...and they always have bright colour swirly psychedelic designs on them. I love bowling. The first time I bowled 10 pin...THAT was super exciting for me. I'm pretty sure that by the time I was 12 I had seen every episode of The Flintstones. Fred doing his little ballerina tip toe to score the big strike! I was finally able to try it out myself. (Every one who has bowled 10 pin for SURE has done Fred's little bowling dance). For a little while, when I was 24...I bowled pretty much every Monday night. 10 pin of course. A bunch of us who worked at Grapes would meet at the Polo Park lanes and play a couple games. And not to toot my own horn or anything...but I probably scored about a dozen turkeys in my day. Yes I did! ;op (For those of you who do not know bowling terms...turkey is when you make 3 strikes...in a row baby!!) But, unfortunately, back in 2003 after a game at the Grandview Lanes down on Commercial Dr...I woke up the next day and following 4 days in major pain. Me poor arm! It just killed me. Lame! At least I can still on occasion watch some peeps play the game. I usually ask to throw the ball once or twice in some one's turn. And it still kind of hurts...arm and my pride...ha!

Same goes for darts. Now I have probably only played, perhaps 20 games in my whole entire life. I'm almost 36...so that really doesn't add up to too many games. But, when you are drinking at a pub and there is a dart board near...it can sometimes be a testament to your will if you stay away from the board. Those little sharp darts...they call you...lure you in. Sing the song of the dart sirens and you can't help but ask someone for a game. Which I always inevitably lose! But I don't even care...it's just a fun silly game. Darts is another game where you are doing repetitious movement. That is exactly what makes my arm hurt so bad. So, I no longer play darts. I miss ya poky guys! ;o) And pretty much every other little sharp object wielding or ball throwing/hitting/dribbling or stick pushing or racquet swooshing game there is. Too bad. Good thing I really am not into sports playing participation but rather sport spectating...it's actually a lot more fun. Not strenuous at all. :o)

Anyhow...back to the latest and most devastating loss of certain activity of which I had the most fondness for...SWINGING! I can never ever ever walk by a swing set and NOT hop on to a swing and at least take a few high soars. I love to swing! It is such a free feeling...almost like flying...except for the fact that you are on a seat that is attached to chains which are attached to a thick metal apparatus that is cemented into the ground. But other than the obvious...you are flying! And I love how no matter how old you are...you always feel like a kid! ;o) So...last Sunday we were over at our friend Judy's. She has a big old wooden board and thick rope swing in the middle of her house. How awesome is that? Mitch was saying that years prior some dude was able to swing so high that his feet touched the roof. So I was like..."I can totally swing that high. I am a good swinger." So I was pumping and pumping away, trying to get as high as Pamanly possible. Thing is, when you have one arm and are trying to hang on for dear life...it takes a ton of strength to hold yourself upright in that huge flat wooden seat and not 1. slide off 2. lose balance 3. keep your swinging straight and not all rocking to one side. I never could get high enough to touch the ceiling. I gave up after about 10 minutes. Very disappointed in my sorry attempt at reaching the goal...but I gave it a pretty good try. pffft! Next morning...ahhhhhhh! I was so sore. I could not lift my arm for quite some time. I could not figure out what in the heck did this to me. I had a relaxed day. It was a Sunday. I remembered that I chopped three pieces of wood. They were super easy...the axe went through just like butter. Clint was like, "Yes...that's it. You should NOT chop wood." But that wasn't enough to make it this bad. Ah ha! I swinged too much!! Wah! What a terrible feeling it was when I realized that I really shouldn't ever have a good old swing. Sad moment dans l'histoire de Pam.

But, again...seriously...I MUST remember that there is more to life than pretending to fly.

ha ha! ;o)