Verbalization...

I am not sure if it is a word in the English dictionary...but I can say without doubt, 100% guarantee that you will find it in the dictionary of Pam. That is, in my head. But I doubt, if you even somehow got into my head that you would understand anything. Nothing in there has rhyme or reason. It's all over the place...you can't even buy a map because one can not get printed because it would change like every other day...or even more than once a day. I'm not even sure that I could blame this fact on me being "Woman", or that I am a Sagittarius, or that I have major anxiety and ocd and just have this rapidly moving thought process...sloooow down. It is just who I am...insane in the membrane. (Insane in the brain!) This can be a major hindrance for me socially in fact. At times, I am totally listening to what you are saying..but I am not really hearing it. I feel as though I am sometimes going deaf. I need things repeated to me...a lot...by Clint. (and others. but mostly him because I am mostly just around him.) I am always either thinking ahead (BIG problem...live in the Now!) or I am thinking about what the person just said to me and what it means and if I should take it personally because they don't like me or think I am a fool or that I am not even listening to them anyways so they can call me names or whatever...I don't even know. Like I say...I am a wee bit crazy. As we all are...right???

Anyhow, me and my overactive mind get into trouble sometimes. And the trouble happens when I am feeling destroyed by something someone said to me that day or the day prior and I decide that the best thing for me to do is write them an email and get the scoop. I won't be angry or anything...maybe a little hurt...so I write an email. And in my mind the email sounds like I would say it...to the point but nice, I think. Often times, it will come back to bite me in my big bum. And I can't even understand how it happened. I explain myself but get so wordy and confusing that my recipient is again lost and feeling their own kind of "blah" from what I write. And I am not even meaning to make someone feel blah because that is the absolute LAST thing I ever want to or imagine doing to someone I care about and love...but those typed black & white letters do it. It's like I expect my friend to read between the lines. See that I am just stating a fact or asking a question about something so plainly but it comes out like paisley. You know...all crazy and all over the place and where does the pattern even lead to...

I am pretty sure that most people today have had this problem for sure at least once in their lifetime. This is all we do. This is how we communicate. By a box that sits on our desk, or a "book" that sits on our lap and let's not forget the texting. It's just the way we talk to one another these days. And don't even get me started on the little, I guess they are an anagram sort of...the lol's and lmao or whatever. Half the time those are impossible to figure out. I blame Tigger for that. He was always saying to Pooh & Piglet...TTFN, Ta ta for now. Thanks Tigger...jump your skinny butt outta here! ;op I find it sad. Even though I am full on and fully immersed in the whole computer thang. I like email. It's easy. You want to say hello to your friend but don't feel like spending half an hour on the phone...you email or text them. (I don't really text anymore. I don't really use my cell phone anymore...unless I am in the big stink. Or the little stink {Nanaimo}.) I can spend under 3 minutes typing a little greeting to my friend to see how they are doing and what's up and all that. Then I can go do something else...or email another friend. Or waste some time on Facebook. Ahhhh...computers are sucking the "real" life out of us. But they are so good.Wah. Boo.

Anyhow, my point was to myself, that the next time I have a "problem" with someone or something. Instead of sending a quick email that may come out so wrong and end up hurting some one's feelings when that was not what was meant...I need to call them. That is what everyone should do. Call up your friend...in good time or bad. Verbalization maaaan. That's the future.

Anyways...I gots me a bodyguard to watch out for those taking things too seriously...ha ha ha!
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