Me, my camera and Daisy Blythe.

I guess I still play with dolls...it is something that I have always had fun doing. Growing up, as most little girls, I was given dollies to play with...baby dolls, ballerina dolls, dolls that can walk, dolls that can drink water from a bottle a pee or cry, Cabbage Patch dolls, Barbie dolls, handmade dolls and even porcelain dolls. I think they are cool. And part of me still believes that dolls and even stuffed animals are "alive". I mean, I am not crazy, I don't ACTUALLY think that they have thoughts or dreams or feelings...in reality. But, in my childlike imaginative (which I pray exists forever) part of the brain...I really do. I used to say goodnight to each of my stuffed animals, individually. Well, the ones that would be out in the open of my bedroom. For a while, I had my brother's old twin bed in my bedroom after he was given my parents old queen bed when they made the big upgrad to a king. (I always thought it was way too big of a bed...all the while enjoying the fact that the whole family could be on it watching TV early Saturday mornings. Now, I would totally buy a king size, if we had the room and extra $$. Funny how things change...anyways...) I had a good sized bedroom, so I liked having the extra bed in there. I mostly used it to keep all of my stuffed animals on. I had them in nice rows, depending on size and shape and softness. When friends spent the night for a sleepover, all of the animals were thrown into a pile on the bottom of my closet floor. I would kind of feel bad when they got "sentenced" to the dark closet...like as if they thought that I was punishing them or something. "Why is Pami being so cruel to us? What did we do to deserve being locked away? Who is that sleeping on our cozy bed?" Ha ha ha! :op Well, when they lived for the few years they did, sprawled out on my spare bed, each and every one of them got a "goodnight" from me. If they had a name, I'd even say "Goodnight Donna." (my plush deer w/ big eyelashes...I still have her.) "Goodnight Agnes." (my Cabbage Patch...yup, have her too.) I just wanted them to feel special...I felt everyone needed to feel special in one way or another, so why not the things that made me happy.  I mean these guys played with me whenever I wanted...day or night they were there for me! ;o)

Anyhow...last night, I was looking for my bag of felt...I was feeling creative. In my search, I found my Blythe doll. My Omi bought the doll, for herself, a long time ago...I guess I get my love of dolls from someone else. The Blythe doll usually lived in the spare room at Omi's...I played with her every time I was there. Sometimes, I would hunt her down just to watch her change her eye colour...ba-link (orange), ba-link (green), ba-link (pink), ba-link (blue)...so cool! When I was about 20, my Omi asked me if I would like to take the doll to my own home, seeing that I was so uberly obsessed with her. I love her...I call her Daisy. When searching for her last night, I knew that I had placed her in a box somewhere that was either stored in the house or in the crawlspace...she was in a box, in a closet with soft things, for safety. ;o) So today, Daisy came for a "Drumbeg" walk with Maggie, Clint, "Little Baby dolly", me and my camera. (Little Baby dolly was also a doll that my Omi had at her place. I don't know if she was my mom or my Aunt's doll. I just know I played with her too. I put the silver tinsel thing around her waist when I was 11 years old...I though it gave her felt dress pizazz.) I also brought along what I felted last night...perfect dolly beach blanket for a cool, windy grey day at the beach.

Look at the big ol' blues! Daisy knows how to work her angles. It was quite a windy day out on the beach...hair always going in her eyes. She's a trooper.

I was able to capture Little Baby off in the distance. She was dreaming of the coming summer and going sailing through the Gabriola Passage. She is also there for moral support to Daisy as she can get camera shy.

Ba-link! She goes pink.

The dress she is wearing is an Omi original...tailored specifically for Daisy Blythe. That was back in about 1988!

She takes a break under her new beach blanket.

Little Baby getting her feet wet..."maybe I should try modeling!" she says. (only I heard heard her say it.)

Wow...Daisy, your eyes are so green! That was a good ba-link idea. 

All righty. My fingers are nearly frozen. You look tired...your eyes are orange...maybe it's time to go home. Do NOT eat that mushroom Daisy! This is not Wonderland...hee hee!

I had a good time walking the beach and forest with Maggie and Clint...and my dolls. A friend walked by with some visitors while I was down on the water's edge, shooting pics of a couple of dolls...awkward! He thought it was funny, like, ha ha ha, you are weird Pam. But he liked my Blythe doll...he liked her blinky eyes. I do too. I am glad I still like dolls. ;o)

Oh anxiety...how I love thee...NOT!

I hate being an anxious person. The littlest thing can bring about massive waves of uncontrollable stomach flops, sleepless nights and worry, worry, worry on the brain. Take a deep breath in...let it out sloooooowly. The steps to recover from an anxiety attack or even just plain worried anxiety are simple and quite easy to remember. I know it all. I know how to calm my mind, slow my breathing and distract my mind from the thoughts that are manipulating my day. So then, why do I allow myself to be in such a state of worry? Let go and let be. Simple.

Ack! I am the type of person who needs to have control...control of what is happening day to day and control of my future. At present, I feel out of control and it is killing me. (insert deep breath here) In the four years that we have been lucky enough to call this perfect island home, we have lived in four different places. And as of this very moment, are looking for our 5th home. (Landlord is putting our place on zee market) So, we have to move. I accepted the news quite graciously when we were told back in November...the 4 month grace of "you have to get out...sorry" from our landlord. He is our friend and I do not feel anything negative towards him. He is doing what he needs to and it's all good. Realistically, this home is a wee bit small for us and our art emporium. Clint really needs studio space to work in...not our kitchen/livingroom/diningroom. It would be absolutely fantastic if we could once again be in a home that had a detached studio. Most ideal situation that would be. We have found that kind of place twice while living out here...fingers crossed that we will find it again. But, this whole "searching" process is what kills me. I am fine with packing all of my belongings and making the big move...it's the "where the heck are we going to live?" thing that gets to me.

I actually like looking at new places. It's fun to walk through a home and imagine your stuff in there...how you would set it up and have your art on the walls, knick knacks on cool window ledges and plants in nice bright windows. I find it a little exciting. I also love seeing how others decorate...IF they do. And it's cool to see different properties on the island. There are some sweet spots with amazing views or neat little forest groves with a sweet home tucked in the midst of all the fabulous green. But then I also spend time imagining and dreaming of the property actually being mine and the landscaping I would do to the outside world of the home. Man, it would be nice to have the means to actually buy...property prices seem at an all time low right now too. Still, BC is an expensive province to buy in. (Oh Manitoba, how I sometimes miss thee and your affordable homes and properties!) Whatevs...we live on an island surrounded by the mighty ocean...I am happy where I am and feel lucky to be here. Even if we will forever be renters! lol

The magic of looking at new homes to rent is wearing off right quick this time. The places that are for rent, in our price range right now are nothing to write home about. And I am shocked that these places are asking for such high rent, all things considered. Like, for instance, the across the street from the ocean place. I google mapped it so that we could see what the outside of the place looked like before we drove down the hill to see it. HUGE porch looking out onto the waters...perfect! Clint and I got into the car to do a drive by and look through the windows (nobody lives in it at present) and check out the property. Landlady said the yard was beautifully landscaped and had lots of green space. The house is practically on the road, some shrubs in the front yard between the house and street...the backyard must be where it is at. Nope. Tiny little yard with some big old cedar trees and a fire pit. I couldn't even see remnants of last seasons flowers that she said were all over the place. (whatever, I can plant some flowers) Walking around the outside of the house you can see and smell the rotting of the old wooded cabin...makes me wonder about mold on the inside. Looking through the windows just made my heart sink deeper...this home, across the street from the beautiful ocean, with the awesome deck to sit on and enjoy summer days and nights...it's nothing to write home about. I mean, if I were 20 and moving out with my friend, I would probably think it was great. "it just needs some love and paint" I would say to my soon to be roommate. But as an "adult", I am like "way too old to live like that." One bedroom looks to be about 7'X8', with no closet...second bedroom looks a little bigger, but still not big enough for our bedroom furniture. We would probably have to set up our bedroom in the living room. Lame. The ceilings look to be about 7' high. The flooring...a mix of linoleum, old Berber and other remnants of other kinds of flooring that I am not sure about. But, it's only $800! I phoned the very nice lady and told her from looking through the windows it appears to be too small for us as we had already gotten rid of stuff when we moved into this place. She offered to lower the rent...that doesn't make a difference...again, I am too old to live like that. Is it wrong for me to want a nice, clean and warm home? No, it's not. Argh! Another place we looked at yesterday was even worse...you could see the mold on the carpets through the windows and the stains on the floor...I don't even want to know what those stains were! Ewwwwwwww!

This is where my anxiety comes on strong. I know that we will find a good place, eventually...hopefully a home that we can live in for at least a few years...this process is killing me! But hey, it keeps me on my toes! Well, I best start packing...I do got to get that done regardless of any home hunting we do today. DEEP BREATH!! lol

Can this be our new home?? ha ha...just need to move way south! 

Here we go again

Another new year...another bright future to look forward to. Like me, I know that probably about 99% of the world's population thinks about resolutions, or at least what they need to work on in this new year...a new birth of life. In a way, I love that this is a similar trait in people. I think that it is a beautiful feeling to have the concept of a new year being about new beginnings. So simple, yet so much impact.  And for real, how else could we ever live with ourselves or others if it were not so? We would hold on to grudges, self loathing would be rampant for the "bad" things we have done in the past, we could never live things down. The prospect of a new year is fabulous. Forget about the crap you endured last year, forget about any ill feelings you have towards a friend, neighbour, family member or even political figure head. Everyone gets a fresh start...EVERYONE...if I do, then so do you. ;o)

AS I always do, I made some blunders in 2011. I am not perfect. I let things get to me that didn't need to. I said hurtful things to loved ones. I hurt myself by taking things others did or said to me personally. I didn't pay enough attention to the people that I love so dearly. I am sure I swore too much too...I sometimes have a wee bit of a sailors mouth. THAT is one thing I definitely want to change. I like to sound like a lady...not a bad a*# trucker! lol I want to be more attentive to those things that do pick at me throughout the day. I want to be more attentive to my husband, my friends, my family. I want to easily forgive those that may or may not know that they offended me...be like a duck and shake it off. I want to not let my claws out when I feel under attack for whatever reason. I was like that as a teenager...back up instantly, just ready for a fight...it is something I have worked on for years. 2011 was a bit of a year of being 15 again...in not so good of a way. I am all for being youthful and being silly and just having fun...but acting like a kid not getting their way or not even listening to what is REALLY being said is definitely not who I want to be. I know that it is easy for things to get out of hand if we allow things to. I swear it is just as easy to not. We all have our own individual way of life...the way we live it and the way we act and react in it and towards others. It is the reaction to those around us where we need to be most attentive. Live and let live. Love and let love. LOVE being the key word in it all. When I love, I need to fully love...unconditionally. And that should be to every single person in my life. If I know you, I want you to know that I love you. And not just cause I told you so. I want you to feel my love for you. Know that I am genuinely happy to know you and have you in my life. That is the woman I want to be. That is the person I want to be known for. "That Pam...she is such a loving person." To be a fly on the wall and hear those words would make my heart glow. So...I feel I really got to make that happen. I do love a challenge! ;o)

2012 is going to be an amazing year...for all. I can feel it. Spread the love...maybe that can be the latest disease. I am so full of love...I got a fever!! hee hee hee I wish to everyone a very happy and fabulous 2012...may it be filled with love, joy, peace and laughter.

Cheers to new beginnings!!!

Kiss me...it's Christmas!

I love the whole idea of mistletoe...I mean how cute is that? You stand under a twig of green leaves and someone has to give you a kiss...now that is a sweet deal. ;o) Thing is, I have never really thought about where mistletoe comes from, or why we even do it. Like who started this whole kissy kissy thing anyways. Some dude that just wanted to get all the ladies in town to kiss him? The history of mistletoe is quite extensive and has a couple changes throughout. I am not super knowledgeable when it comes to mythology of any kind...Greek, Norse or whatever. I know Zeus and all his guys...TV's Hercules cartoon helped me with that! But, in doing a little research this past week, I have found out that mistletoe evolves originally from Norse mythology. That crazy god Loki schemed to have the god Baldr killed by the blind god Höðr by projectile of mistletoe. (what that means...I have no idea. An arrow made of mistletoe???) Anyhow, like how many stories change over the years, mistletoe soon became an example of male "divine" essence...fertility being a part of that. The thought of great fertility came from the little white berries which I guess they felt represented semen. ha ha ha! Sometime in the 3rd century, the ideology of mistletoe was changed with the widespread "new" christian religion and over the years to come it somehow became how we use it now. (wikipedia doesn't even know!) "Kissing" under the mistletoe dates back to as early as the 16th century in good old England, of course. ;o) The boys were allowed to kiss the girls underneath the mistletoe that hung in the doorway...each time a kiss was granted, a berry was removed from the mistletoe. Once all berries were removed, no more kisses were given. Soooo cute!

Before this week, I had no clue where the sweet little green leafy twig even came from. Being that we are with my parents down in Texas this Christmas, we are doing things their way. Which is the way I like it, the way I grew up...the way that makes me feel warmth and love. We always had a sprig of mistletoe at the front door at Christmas. My parents kept saying last week that we should go pick some mistletoe before the rest of the family came out. "Where do we buy it", I asked. "It's all over the place, we can pick it ourselves", replied my father. What??? Mistletoe is a parasite that grows in trees. Who knew? It grows there all year long, but you see it best in the winter when the real leaves of the tree drop. They grow in clumps. Eventually they will choke out the tree and kill it. How can such a lovely little plant do that? ;op Well, it does. (remember to take your mistletoe out of the trees in your yard if it's growing. You get to have the kissy fun at Christmas AND save your trees!) Thursday afternoon, Clint, my nephew Samuel and I went for a walk to go see the horses up the street. We found some mistletoe growing in a tree that was low enough for us to get it. We came home victoriously with a big twig of mistletoe. Kisses for everyone this Christmas!!

I wish everyone, all over the world a very Merry Christmas this year. May your home be filled with love, joy and peace. In whatever your traditions may be...may they be Merry and Bright! xox

Never judge a book by it's cover...

It's been said time and time again...all over the world, I am sure. Someone dresses in a certain style, wears clothing that is different than how "we" dress, has a shaved head, looks tough or rough...perhaps wearing clothing that leaves little to the imagination. Whatever the case may be, we often will serve up a character assassination on them. Like...she must be easy...he looks like a skinhead...hoity toity princess...unemployed bum....whatever we think in that first moment will be our definition of that person that we do not even know. How fair is that? It ain't fair at all...but I would say the majority of us do it. I too am guilty. I try real hard not to do it. For me, it has been a lifelong battle to not judge. I often am looked at instantly judged for so many other reasons. Obviously. (the wonders that people have when they first see me...accident...disease...however people think I lost my arm.) So I have tried to see people for who they are beyond what they look like. Wait til the moment that I may actually have the chance to say hello to them as I pass them on the street or in the mall...wait to hear them respond to me. I still don't have much right to judge after that moment...you can't get much out of a hello. But the fact that they DID in fact respond to my greeting...and the way that response comes out can say a whole heck of a lot. But...again, we have to also realize they may be going through some tough time or hurtful time and their response may be bleak. It don't mean anything to us...or it shouldn't. We got to remember that all of us are human with many emotions and feelings and bad days and good days. We ALL make mistakes, we all have pains and joys and memories. We are all the same.

Anyways....I was just reminded of this the other day. We had just gotten out of the van and started walking up the aisle in the uber busy parking lot of the Sam Moon in Northwest Dallas...this woman turned into the aisle on her big Harley. Total "Biker Bitch". I carefully took my camera out of my purse so that I could candidly take a photo of her and all her bikerness. Naturally, I assumed that if she had seen me with my camera she would stop the engine, get off the bike and take my camera. (I watch too many movies) Thankfully, she did not notice me and my swift blue canon. ;o) Clint and I proceeded to the T-shirt store to find my girlfriend a cheesy Texas tee. After finding the perfect top, I walked up to the counter to purchase it. The sales lady was busy chatting with someone on the other side, so I patiently waited for my turn. I heard her say to the other customer to come around so that she could pay for her purchase at the till. The other customer came out of the bustle of young girls looking at the feather fascinators and telling their mom that "this is what I want in my hair on my wedding day" (they were probably 16 years old...ha ha ha...you will probably change your minds sweethearts!). The woman that came out the other side was the Harley lady!! She had the sweetest, most high pitched voice...she saw me standing there and instantly apologized as if she had cut me in line. I told her to go ahead that she was in fact ahead of me and that I was in no hurry. She thanked me and continued to be ultra sweet to the sales lady. Hm. Totally NOT what I had expected at all. Teaches me to leave my judgement glasses at home and see people as the person they are...not what they are wearing or whatever.

Thank you Harley Momma...you rocked my day!! :o)

Happy Birthday to me!

They say it's your birthday...happy birthday to you!!!

I turn another year older today...and I feel just fine. A little tired as I have been preparing for our family Christmas 2011. In terms of getting older though...I totally dig the whole aging and learning as you grow process. Man, I have learned a whole heap of important stuff in my life so far. I love life! And, I just felt the need to say that I love this day...and I can not wait til next years. This year I will be enjoying a delicious calzone at the Woodfire, it will be the 12th day of the 12th month and our reservations are at 12. Hmmmm...I should have made it for 12 people! ;o) Next year, my birthday will be real special once again. Like my champagne birthday where I turned 12 on the 12 of the 12. Oooooooh. 12/12/12 it will be for me...that is way too cool. Yup...I am just like a little girl! Excited about such simple things.

Here I am on my day of birth...many moons later of course. I have been up since about 5 am. I look a little sleepy...but also old and wise...n'est pas? hee hee

Peace out! xo

Viva la Travel

I feel like it has not been that long since we last went away...we drove to Manitoba in the beginning of August. I suppose 4 months really isn't that long of a time, yet it seems as though so much has happened since then. And...it was that trip that forecast this next one coming...dun dun dunnnnnn...Christmas travel! My dad was so overjoyed at our family reunion in August that all he could think of was having HIS whole family at their home down in Texas. So...a down home Christmas we will have this year. I know that it is going to be the best time ever. I know that I will be feeling teary and nostalgic as we are driving the Inter-State to DFW airport...already missing my sweet little nieces and nephews, my Omi, my sister, my brother and their spouses and then knowing full well I am about to have to say good-bye to mom and dad after we check our bags in. I try hard not to cry so that my mom doesn't cry. I hate seeing my mom cry. I really love my family to pieces...couldn't imagine not having them in my life. I am blessed to have a close and loving family.

Now, with that all being said I also am very attached to my home...my little island paradise. I believe that one of the smartest moves Clint and I have ever made was moving to Gabriola. There has been many a tough time...but different than tough times dans le city. It is such a unique and simple lifestyle out here. It is definitely not for everyone...in fact, I feel that most people I know would never, ever want to live here full time. It's like country living with a ferry in between you and the big bad city. It is way more effort than necessary to get over to where "all of the action is". And I love it that way. I do not, not like the city...it has its purposes...I just love the quiet and easy life of the "country". When we leave here I miss taking Maggie to the beach for a walk and listening to the waves and birds and smelling the sometimes stinky ocean breeze. I miss my friends, I miss the people that I always see and enjoy a quick chat with, I miss the dark night sky filled with a million twinkling stars and dancing with my moon shadow with the full moon down on the beach...or my porch. hee hee. I love the life that Clint and I have out here. I don't mind that there are only like 3 restaurants to choose from if we decided to go out to eat. I don't mind that every business is closed by 10 pm the latest...unless it is the bar, which stays open til midnight...1 on the weekend. I even love (well, most of the time) that each time I leave my house I will run in to at least one or two people that know me by name and are genuinely happy to see me and know how I am doing...and I the same for them. I love the people in my community. It is all these sweet and simple things that I miss so dearly when we are away.

People travel from all over this great big globe of ours to come and visit this little island that we call home. That makes me proud to live here...to be Gabriolan. We are all so very lucky to live here...we all know it! ;o) I also feel that we are lucky to see other places though too...experience other cultures and food and lifestyles and a whole bunch of stuff that you wouldn't see or do if you only stayed home. So, I am excited to travel down to the big old State of Texas...yeeeeeeha! It's gonna be fun. Before we know it we will be back in our cozy little home on our precious little island and enjoying the memories of the fun times we had. Viva la travel!

Oh, my love of ceramica...

It continues...my new addiction to the art of playing with clay. Molding a pile of "mud" into an object of desire...I find it stimulating and amazing and I am totally ALL over it! In my mind, it is a hobby that pretty much every living human being can enjoy. It's one part being a kid and getting your hand(s) dirty playing in the mud and one part, "I am creating something magical!" I find myself continuing to thank Mariko for suggesting to Bryan that they buy a home on Gabriola and continue their artistic passions on a remote island that allows the flow of energy in order to be perhaps, even more creative than in the big bustling city of Calgary. Feedlot Studios is da bomb and I am thankful that I have it as my home away from home to get my creative juices flowing and mold some mud into something I see as special. I love it!!! I highly recommend that all people, at least once in their life take to a ceramics course or join an open ceramics night in your neighbourhood. I know they have them in the big cities...open the Yellow Pages, errr, I mean Google a studio in your area...have some fun. Let your imagination run wild...feel free.

Recently, a friend of mine commissioned me to make an ash tray for a friend of hers. She liked the bathtub tray that I made in the spring...she had faith in me that I could produce what she was looking for. I am grateful for that...she made me feel special even just for asking. ;o) Her friend, in conversation one night said it would be hilarious to have an ass tray. The mind could go to so many different places with that in mind when designing your creation. Clint was suggesting some hilarious yet rather distasteful ways of making it...I laughed at the ideas...they were funny...but not my style. I guess you could say that I am more of a creator of the "cute". Like I always say, "I am just a big kid", so I enjoy things that are sweet and cute and innocent, yet still with that bit of cool that I have always enjoyed. I put quite a bit of thought into my creation...even though it seems quite simple. An Ass Tray for sure HAS to have an ass as part of it...how do I make it look cool?? Butts are always sticking out of everyone's jeans these days. Crack is just a part of everyday...ass crack that is! ;op I went in that direction. You need an ash tray to butt out your ciggies, cigars or doobies or whatever...why not have a sweet tray to do it in? Well, this is where my brain took me...

 

I am happy with how it turned out...it was a fun project. You can even keep your pack of cigs or lighter or whatever inside the body cavity! Was I thinking, or what? I just really liked how in the creation of this piece, I was allowed to be free with my imagination and let the idea take me to a place of that was outside of the norm. Perfect! Thanks Patricia for the fun time! ;o) I really hope that your friend enjoys it for years. It's a piece of art that you can use! hee hee hee.