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I know I say it all of the time...like sometimes too much for those that also enjoy spending time out here...but I freakin' LOVE living on an island!! Who knew?? When my girlfriend Mel moved to Galiano Island back in 1999 and I was still living in Winnipeg not even thinking I would ever even leave...I couldn't help but think that she was absolutely nuts! Why would anyone in their right mind want to live somewhere that you can not escape from except by boat? This kind of behaviour did not compute in my brain. I just kept thinking it would totally drive you crazy. And...I will say that it truly will and does drive people mad. It's called cabin fever and it is for real. ANYHOW, I now am an island girl...I love being "stuck" on my island. I don't want to leave so I am not bothered at all. hee hee!
One of the advantages to living here is that because we are island dwellers many people own some sort of nautical transportation. We have a canoe...it ain't ours, but our friend leaves it on our property as we are right at the water and it's a good spot to paddle from. Other friends have little tinnies (aluminum boats), some sailboats, others party boats. Today we were very fortunate to get a ride in a beautiful handmade wooden boat...that was refurbished and brought back to "tip top, look at me I am a really pretty boat" life...and this was all accomplished by our friend Damian. So Damian and my good friend Kate took us out for a boat ride around Gabriola and over to New Castle Island for a picnic and a hike...then to the Dinghy Dock Pub on Protection Island for a pint and back home through the Passage. The sun was out...and so were all of the other boaters and sailors getting in one of the last super sunny and warm Saturdays. Soon it will be rainy...poop! It was Kate's birthday today...so we celebrated hers and Clint's together. Good times.
It was also my nephew Samuel's 9th birthday. Man, he is such a little sweetheart. We called and sang happy birthday to him this morning before the boat ride. I ended up on the phone with him for 20 minutes talking about music...and what bands and songs I like. Ha ha! It was so cute. He was wondering who my favourite all time band was...I said "All time?? I guess that would have to be the Beatles". He didn't like that answer so said "No Auntie Pam...it can't be the Beatles. It has to be a band from now...not all time!" But, I don't even know how to answer that question...it's loaded. There are a ton of bands or singer songwriters who I adore all at once. I listen to a HUGE variety of music not the same cds each day. Yes, I said CD's...that was not a typo or a slip of the tongue. We DO have an IPOD...I bought it for Clint a few years ago for his birthday while I was in Texas...they are way cheaper there. And the ipod has a lot of our music on it...but it can only hold 1gb. Yes, again...very lame to people of the 21st century...all who have their 16GB ipod touch or whatever the latest gadget is called. We have 1GB...and no dock to play it from. We have headphones! ;op We have so many cd's that we would need 3 ipods to get all the music on. Anyhow...so Samuel and I are talking music and he is asking me about all these bands, of which I am surprised he knows them...or even some of the songs. He says "I really like Rock you like a Hurricane." I'm like..."from the Scorpions???" and I sing the chorus and he is laughing and saying "yes...I love that song!" He goes on about other songs and I finally figure out he knows this music because of Guitar Hero...it's a Wii game. A video game is teaching my 9 year old nephew about music...this is extremely conflicting for me. I hate that video game usage is at an all time high...pretty much makes up a lot of most kids days and how they spend their free time. I find that sickening...get your asses outside and enjoy nature...learn shit!! But, I think music is very important. And for a kid, who was born in the new millennium to be able to know the words to Scorpions song from 30 or so odd years ago...that's pretty rad I must say. Conflict in my brain... ack!
Because I like talking about music...I had a 20 minute conversation with Samuel who can never sit still for a phone chat for more than 2 minutes. It was heaven for me!
What a fabulous day!!!
October 1st...what? Where did my summer go? It's Clint's birthday today...39 years ago today he came into this world. Beautiful healthy baby boy...now he's a beautiful, sexy and amazingly talented man...that I like to call "baby".
Technically September 21 is the Autumn equinox...but for some reason I always see today as the true beginning of Fall. The smell outside is different today...that fresh but fading scent. The scent of summer has faded and the wet green grass is coming back to refresh the green earth. I love that out on the west coast winter stays green. It's pretty amazing when you grew up with white and freezing cold winters to now send your winters surrounded by lush green forests and walks on the beach with lapping waves...I really do love it here. But...in defense of the prairies...as I truly am a "Prairie Girl"...I LOVED those white winters. The sun shines pretty much daily...glistening sparkles off the snow. Blinding at times...but it's like the world has been covered in diamonds...or cubic zirconia's! lol
Today...it's super sunny outside. Must be +20 or something. I am hanging out down at Silva Bay enjoying the beautiful sight and scent of the ocean...Maggie at my side. I am going to get back outside now and continue reading 'Weed Man - The remarkable journey of Jimmy Divine'...what a book...what a guy! Very interesting read...go out and get it! ;o) So out I go...into the hot sun and cool ocean breeze.
Peace out party people! ;o)
I can not even believe it...September is here and with it the rain has already started. Where did my summer go?? We had some hot days...I got out most of those hot days and jumped in the ocean. We spent many a day walking down to the beach to enjoy. We camped over on Mudge Island. We had bbq's and paddles over to our private tiny island. It was an amazing summer...but man, was it busy.
Became one of those summers with many visitors...which I LOVE having over. We live in such a special place that we enjoy showing off and sharing paradise with those people that we love. Having guests over entails keeping things together in the household...keeping me on my toes...and letting me love it all too! ;o) This summer I also got myself wrapped up in a couple projects that took much of my time and energy...I may have all of the time in the world...but my energy is usually on low...not because I don't want to be busy and doing things that are interesting and creative. It's my arm, it's muscles, tendons and nerves that help it do the things I want to do just don't like to help me out when I need them...which is all of the time. It's like my arm is against me. Like my evil twin! Mwah ha ha ha haaaaaa! But I OVERCAME adversity and won. I may be sore...but I did it all! ;op
Our good friends were married this summer and I wanted to give a gift from my heart. I made the centrepieces...a little bit of me and a lot of Gabriola went into them. White shell sand in a beautiful glass vase...in the sand were thorny branches painted beautiful gloss black. On the branches there were pennies hung for good luck. They were married on Friday the 13th. :o) Guests were to take a penny from the tree and leave a wish they wrote on a tag. (That part was their idea.) Very cute. They looked great and the couple were pleased...that made my heart feel good.
The wedding took place in Vancouver. Clint & I traveled over there for a couple days to enjoy the city again...you know...sushi and ANYTHING we want! (remember, we live on an island where there are 4 restaurants to choose from...diversity is sensational.)YUM!!! The wedding was gorgeous...a fairytale actually. Beautiful couple with an exquisitely adorable little baby, er I mean 15 month old little girl. Ceremony took place at breathtaking Ferguson Point in Stanley Park. When we drove into the park (BUSY Friday afternoon in downtown Vancouver during peak tourist season) we first got to Prospect Point and there were parking spots available...should we park here?? "I don't think Ferguson is that far off...maybe a 10 minute walk at most" I say to Clint who just wants out of the damn car. We park...I go pay and get a ticket...we start walking and I decide best thing to do for my feet is to carry my 3 1/2" heels so my feet aren't sore when we get to the spot. The sidewalk is asphalt. The soles of my feet burn and blister. I don't even notice they are burning until we have been walking for 1/2 hour and FINALLY get to the spot and I put my super sweet hot shimmery pink 3 1/2" heel BCBG shoes back on. Ouchies!!! But I HAVE to keep the shoes on as I have to stand in front of the crowd of family & friends to read an EE Cummings poem during the ceremony...heels DO make your ass look rounder and legs longer. Fashion ahead of smarts...right?? ;op Anyhow, they we are, overlooking the ocean (and those nasty barge container ships that just loiter in the area there) out towards the Gulf and Vancouver Islands, the ceremony finally took place and they were married in front of their family & friends. The couple looked fabulous of course...Taryn so gracefully and peacefully walking down the pathway to her husband to be, the uber handsome and dashing on his wedding day, Syx. It was all so very nice. Just a beautiful ceremony that was very real and loving and enjoying the fact that we all believe in true love...because it still does exist and it conquers ALL! So, while I truly am lavishing in this wonderful event between two of my good friends...watching them profess their love...I look to Clint loving him and taking in the moment. I know I said some sweet things to him, but I was still so very pre-occupied..."MY FEET ARE EFFEN KILLING ME!!!!" I softly but painfully scream into Clint's ear. And by this time though the ceremony is over...thank goodness...and Clint walks back to retrieve the car that is SO far away. What a gentleman. I wait on a picnic table...I called my mom to pass some time while Clint has to walk ALL the way...30 minutes back to the car. The only thing I can think about is how I now just want to wear my flip flops for the rest of the day and night...even though they don't lift my ass nor give me those "they just go on forever" legs. And actually...I just want a beer!
We get back over to Main St to the Heritage Hall where the reception will take place...where we also spent a few hours of our morning setting up the centre pieces and helping. Next door to the hall is the Five Point restaurant. We decide to go in for a snack and beer to wait for the reception to start. BEER! We finish the last drop of a tasty draft beer and I want to go back to the car so that I can at least try and wear my pretty hot pink shiny shoes that I left in the front seat...time to take the beach worn but very comfy okabashi flip flops off. Get out to the...uh...WTF...I am 100% sure this is where we parked the car!!!!! Give me a cigarette! (I do not smoke. Though I am an ex-smoker.) Our car that was parked just perfectly...3 feet away from the edge of the sidewalk, allowing plenty of room for passenger and vehicle...has been towed! Some other girl that also was in the Five Point had hers towed too. Vancouver sucks!!! $150 ticket...eff you Vancouver! ARGH! After retrieving our car from the impound lot we made it back to the reception, ate yummy hors d'oeuvres, chit chatted with some awesome peeps, drank wine and beer, got tandemly screeched in as honourary Newfies, listened to some talented peeps perform songs and then headed back for our last night out in Burnaby...where we stayed with my Aunt & Uncle who took great care of us for the stay. Prepared meals for us so that we could sit down together and have at least that time for visiting, they gave us a comfy room and space just to do our own thing because it was such a whirlwind trip. And that was soooo appreciated. Uncle Walter & Tante Ruth...you rule! <3>
I can not believe that it is April already...actually we are half way through the month. Holy Moly! The spring has been very beautiful. Sunny days...a few wind storms and power failures along the way but that is spring on the island. Thank goodness for wood stoves to keep us warm when the power is shut off for 48 hours! Yikes man. Living out here that means that you have NO electricity AND NO water use...no flushing toilets or using the sinks. This ain't the city baby. We rough it out here and that is exactly why we love it. :o)
Spring means longer days and sunshine and fresh scented breezes of spring flowers. It truly is a glorious time of year. I feel very much like spring myself this year. Old and dead leaves of skin are finally coming off me...exposing the beautiful layers underneath that have been hidden for years and years. I just wasn't ready for the soul rejuvenation before this I guess. And now that it is all happening, I am so relieved. I have never felt more alive in my life...well at least not in my adult life. I almost feel the "carefreedom" I had when I was a little girl. You know, that feeling like everything surrounding is good and right and no harm can come to you because you are protected because you are young and gentle and precious. I lost that. I haven't felt precious in a VERY long time. I felt like a used up old dish cloth...but the one that was favoured and used so much because of it's cleaning capabilities and the vibrancy it USED to have. The more that cloth got used the more holes wore through and the colour was faded away and it got to the point where it should be thrown away but it is washed clean but then kept in the back of the towel drawer where no one sees it anymore and it has become useless. Ha! I have been in the dark at the back of the drawer feeling useless and all used up. No good to any one anymore.
Well, I have been re-crocheted...in bolder colours and stronger yarn...diamonds and rubies have been crushed and put in the yarn to make it strong and durable. That's right...I am a gem!!
We all do things in our life that we are proud of...but then we also do things in our life that we wish we could take back...turn back time and re-do a day to make the outcome the opposite. When we are not focused on each moment and enjoying each of those moments we get lost. The more we ignore where we are, the more unconscious we become in every day. To do this we have to let go of past issues that have bogged our brains down...or worries of the future and what it holds for us. Does any of that matter??? No! Yesterday does nothing for today except the fact that we lived through it and are in another brand new day today. That is the beauty of living. No matter how any day goes for us...we have to go to sleep and wake up in a brand new day! How freakin' amazing is that? Our lives will NEVER be perfect...far from it. But, we can let the things that get under our skin just float right by us. Like for instance...with me...I can go walking on the beach in a t-shirt, walk right by family with a few children. They can point and stare and ask their parents questions "mom! (in a loud voice) what is wrong with that lady?? Why does she only have one arm??" Normally in a case like this I would quicken my pace and have that self loathing conversation in my head... "Uh, Pam, you are so ugly. Why am I like this? Why did I have to be born so different...what IS wrong with me???" Nothing is wrong with me. In fact, children...I was born missing my right arm. I came right out of my mommy's belly just like this. And I can do everything you can do. That is my new reaction. I don't mind kids being curious...that is okay. I can still feel good about myself and not go into a dark cave in my brain that hides my emotions and shuts me off. I don't NEED to do that. I can be happy and not let those things hurt me. They are not meant to hurt me so why take it that way? Duh right? Of course, so simple. Now it is just putting this into practice and living my life as a conscious and happy woman. The Power of Now! It IS so important. I am happier than ever.
I still have my wonderful husband beside me. I am more in love with him than ever before. How can that be when I though I couldn't love him anymore as I did when we first started dating. Well, I was in my cave back then. Lost in a dark world, not seeing any light...not even at the end of a tunnel. But now I am in the light. And learning daily how to shine bright. I am happy to be alive and well. Are you??
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Literally, it has been raining for like ever!! Okay, maybe yesterday it didn't rain until 2 pm and it was actually sunny first thing in the morning. But we have been having torrential down pours...well torrential for the West Coast. When it "rains" here it is more like a mist...heavy drizzling, it NEVER pours when you are on the coast. It does at times come down like sheets, but it lasts for mere minutes before it relapses back to it's comfortable sprinkle. The kind that you can still go walking outside in and not carry an umbrella. You will get wet, but it really ain't that bad. I HATE umbrella's...so you would come to the conclusion that I would never, ever survive in a climate such as the coast of British Columbia. Seriously, it does not rain that bad here. If I wear a hoodie or a wider brimmed hat I stay fairly dry. If my jacket is waterproof or thick at least I can manage to stay reasonably dry. Dry enough that when I take my coat off I do not get the chills instantly. I will always take any opportunity to warm up in front of a fire though...raining outside or not. The heat that you get from a fire is like no other. I love to sit or lay in front of our woodstove with the doors ajar and soak up the heat. It's lovely. ;o) Anyhow, why do I detest umbrella's...it's not that I am not a fan of the brilliant colours that many umbrella's consist of. There sure are some pretty snazzy looking ones out there...some that even I, have pondered on whether or not I should spend the $20 and purchase the pretty little hand held, cumbersome rain shield. $20 that I would spend and then never get my money's worth because I NEVER use the damn thing. If I am holding an umbrella in my hand, that is it for me. That is what I am doing...no picking up something I dropped or answering my cel phone (back in the day when I carried one cause I was obseesed with texting and being able to talk with someone when you are walking up the sidewalk alone and wish you had someone there to talk to.) or doing anything at all that requires the use of at least one of your arms. I HATE IT!!!! The thoughts that run through my head at any of these embarrassing occassions go like this... "I don't want to put this damn umbrella down,the second I do people that are around me walking by and watching me are going to wonder why the heck I put my umbrella down on the ground, then they will notice I have one arm and stare at me...I hate this shit." That is a mild taste of the commentary that runs through my head in situations in which I feel socially awkward because I am doing a task that varies from how the "normal" people would do them. I obviously still harbour self esteem issues about the fact that I am visibly different than practically everyone I know. I sometimes hate it...I sometimes enjoy it. It's all right to be different, to be unique and one of a kind. There aren't too many women in the world that are congenitally "different" like me. One arm, bent femur and a dislocated left hip. I was a mess I guess. ;o) The original pediatric orthopedic surgeon that my mom was sent to advised her to have my left leg amputated. Can you imagine that??? He said it would never grow...stay like a baby leg all of my life. Thank goodness for a strong willed and loving mother who was smart enough to ask for a second opinion. Two surgeries later...my legs are the same length. Thank you Dr. Huebert's! (father and son...dad did my knee surgery when I was 10, son did my leg surgery when I was 24!) Go team go!! ha ha.
Anyhow, the rain is depressing. My back and front yards are like miniature swamps and I am just waiting for some kind of green and icky monster to crawl out of it. I can't even go down into my garden because it is too wet and I sink into the ground. (And Maggie gets waay gross and wet and mucky and then walks back into my house.) I need to prepare my vegetable beds for the spring...compost!! Hopefully it will dry up for a few days and Clint and I can get that shit done and focus on indoor tasks. ;o)
Rain, rain PLEASE get the hell out of here...at least til next week.
Peace out.
I am in the throes of major depression as I am typing this blog sitting at my desk in my cold computer room. I should turn the baseboard heater on in here but hydro is waaay too expensive and I prefer to use the wood stove anyways. Makes me really feel like I a true country girl. ;o) Clint chops the wood, brings it in and I like to stack it in neat piles when the pieces are lighter. I get wood envy when people have a wood shed that is overflowing with wood. I like when our firewood area is stuffed full inside the house. All that wood ready for me to burn to make my home toasty warm. Looks so pretty when the smoke is coming out of the chimney. My mom liked it too...she took pictures of it. ;o) My mom...
She is one of the key subjects to the reason of my depression. I don't want to leave the house or talk on the phone or do anything. I feel like a sloth, and it makes me feel lazy and useless but I really have no energy nor desire to do anything but lay on the couch watching absolutely nothing on my free 2 months of cable. I still can not figure out why people pay big bucks for this crap. Honestly, there is nothing good at any time of day or night on the TV. Anyhow, my depressive episodes began yesterday when my parents left the island. I just love having them around me so much. It is so awesome to be able to see them on a daily basis. Wake up in the morning and my dad is already up and has been for a while working on his laptop in my cold computer room or drinking coffee stoking the fire. And as I walk past the slightly open door to the bedroom my parents are sleeping in I can see my beautiful mommy lying still on her side of the bed and resting her sleepy head. (she never sleeps...total insomnia. I feel so bad for her.) I won't wake her up unless there is a reason for her to be up. I want her to get as much rest as she possibly can. But she usually gets up after she hears us all, up and about drinking coffee chatting at the kitchen table. It feels like being at home again...only different. My parents are so easy to be around...so loving and kind, funny, caring, hilarious and even feisty when I feel like having a debate...which is pretty much not a good idea. I get so mad when they don't agree with or understand my opinion on something that I have strong feelings about. I get all flustered and stomp my feet and talk loudly and wildly just like a child...like how I was as a kid and not getting my way with something. ha! But, 99% of the time we spend together is happy and fun. It's always like that, even when everyone is around...the whole fam damily. My sis, her hub and 3 girls. My bro, his wife and 2 boys and 2 girls. My Omi. We are all so great together. I love my family a lot. I miss them terribly when I am leaving their homes to come back to my own that is so incredibly far away from them and I know it may be a while until our next visit because it doesn't happen as much as I really wished it did...the trips to Winnipeg or Texas that is. And, of course when any of them have been out here staying at my place with me in my home, I get depressed when they leave and feel lonely and have a longing for the days when we were always all hanging out together. I always liked being at home and being with my family...so it's no wonder to me that I still love and always will love being with them. And even after I go through my sadness of separating from them after an amazing visit, each time after we part I always get back into my normal routines after enjoying our togetherness and it's suddenly not as bad as when we first parted. Point being...I like that feeling that I am living at home. Like as if I were a kid again and life is pretty darn simple because mom is always taking care of the necessities...while we help out of course, and dad is there to take care of us all.
I am not at all taking away from what I have now. I LOVE my life as it is at this very moment. I am deeply in love with Clint who was my really good friend for 7 years before we even started to date. Two years later we got married...something neither of us wanted to EVER do as we had both been married previously. Him to a psychotic, compulsive lying manipulative biatch. Me to a dirty...like actually dirty, like because he was a truckdriver and would be on the road for days and come home stinking so gross that I wouldn't want to touch him till he got out of the shower kind of asshole that was so crazily angry and mean and abusive that I had to get the flippin' heck outta that relationship. Ummm...no, I don't hate him. ;op Anyhow, Clint and I both felt that we did not ever want to get married again. But we were just so crazy about one another. So in love and so in tune with one another. We just get along so well. We talked about having a family and stuff so marriage seemed like it actually might be a good idea and work out this time. And you know, it was and is the best choice we made. We will be celebrating 5 happy and amazing years together on the 25th. Yay!! I found a man that loves me, takes care of me, laughs with and at me when the time is right, defends me and is just the very best husband to me that I couldn't even have imagined anything better than this in my wildest dreams prior to having him in my life. I am lucky to be married to Clint. It also helps that he is a major hunk of burning love!! ;o) And my parents also love him...that makes life pretty darn sweet. They constantly tell me how good he is to me and how I am so very lucky. And I always say "yes, I know".
Okay, enough of the history lesson. Let's get on with my feelings of sorrow, my mind and heart that won't stop aching and hurting for my parents. This is where my depression now turns to politics...politics in the sense that I am thinking too much about how slow and stupid the American government is. The department of the government that deals with immigration...I guess that would be called the U.S. Immigration Department. Well, I hate them very much right now. They are making my parents lives overly difficult right now. Let me explain...my dad's work is such that he needs to travel through Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana and New Mexico on a regular basis in order to meet up with clients of his. He works full time for a wholesale rose company in the states for whom he sells stock to local nursery and greenhouses in those aforementioned states. He also works part time for a wholesale nursery that sells fancy shrubbery and trees and stuff. His territory with that company is North and South Dakota, Idaho, Wyoming and Montana. So he travels through those states in the summer months and my mom takes that opportunity to be up north in Manitoba to visit with the family. Because of this work they moved down to Texas 7 years ago to be closer to where he traveled to most. That way he would always be closer to home and never gone for that long at one time. And now my mom goes with him a lot more as the trips are shorter and she doesn't have to be away from home all that often. Anyhow, my dad has been through all the stages of work visa's that you need to prior to being able to apply for your permanent residence...your Green Card. The paperwork has all been put together for this and sent to the U.S. Dept. of Immigration...although it originally was sent later than was supposed to because the stupid asshole old lawyer at one of my dad's work forgot to send it off asap because he was taking to many liquid lunches or whatever...thank god that jack ass is no longer employed with them. (That guy deserves a knuckle sandwich!) So the paperwork is there and was supposed have come back in September. It is now Nov 17th!! Still nothing. And because they are not in the U.S. they are not allowed to return until my dad's office has received the final Green Card that gives them the right to live at their home down south. My mom has not been home since August...she just wants to be able to go home, wear different clothes than she has been for the last three months, sleep in her own bed, work in her own kitchen, weed her flower beds, see her friends, just be in her own frickin' home. And my dad wants the same. They just want their life back and the U.S. government is not allowing that to happen in a timely manner. BullShit!!! They went to the border yesterday after leaving here just to see if they would let them through after explaining the dire situation that they are in. No sympathy from the callous border guard...of course...what else do we expect? :o( My mom is depressed. So that makes me feel helpless and so sad and I just wish that there was something that I could do, but of course I can't and so it makes me feel even more upset. Last night I spent hours and hours crying for them. I hate when my parents are sad. I suppose any child hates it when their parents are not the happy people that we always expect that they are or should be. They have emotions and feelings just like us. They are not superhuman like we always imagine when we are growing up. They are exactly like the children they span...human. And I just want my human parents to be happy and safe at their own home.
That was long winded...I needed to get it all out. I haven't been answering my phone...I don't want to talk about it because it makes me cry. I call my parents to find out where they are and how they are doing. They spent tonight in Banff. At least they are somewhere pretty. and this whole green card mess is what allowed them to visit me this fall too...so that is a good thing, kind of. But now it's time for them to be able to return to the home and life they have made for themselves down south...down in the U.S. :o( Wish they were still living up north, even though I like to go to Texas and the warmth in the winters when we get to. ;o) Anyhow, that is what is plagueing my mind. Let's get to work Immigration employees...do your job! Argh!!!!
Peace out...
Yes...I am still here. Just missing in action on the computer for the last little while...so sorry! ;op I ended up going to the Big "PRETTY SHITTY" City, as I like to call it. Don't get me wrong. I do love Vancouver...quite a bit. I mean I lived there for 9 years prior to escaping the bustling centre of far too much activity with little to no meaning. And I did enjoy that hustle and bustle for a while. I honestly just got sick of the Orphan Annie eyed peeps there. Remember her eyes in the comic books?? She had white eyes...no pupils no iris...just blank eyes. And in turn those blank, dead eyes gave absolutely no emotion what so ever. Like, her words in each frame would make you imagine that their is emotion. That she had feelings, real feelings about her life and her dog and the people surrounding her. But by looking at her face...those eyes...nothing, nada. And that is exactly what I started feeling about a lot of the residents of Vancouver. I totally had a core group of amazing friends who were so cool and thoughtful and full of many emotions. But that was just my small group of peeps that I met and started friendships with since leaving the grand old city of Winnipeg, in friendly Manitoba. The rest of the lot...well, I suppose I should say that the lot of them that have their lives downtown mostly. Cause it was there...downtown, that I started to really despise. The vibes there can be so insane. For instance...walking down the street, passing someone on the sidewalk, you smile at them and say hello. They hold their purse tighter and don't make eye contact. Or, they give you a sort of menacing scowl because they think you are a piece of shit. Or, if you try to make conversation with someone at some sort of establishment downtown...they really don't want to know, or care to know what you have to say. They know enough people, have enough friends and aquaintances to speak to you. It would be a waste of breath on their part. Fake. Fake. Boring and crude. Maybe others don't see it this way. But I certainly did. Now that I am far away from there...I feel better about people. I have regained my sense of security in the fact that there truly are some fabulous caring people out there. There still exist communities where everyone looks out for one another. Where you feel like you are in this big huge extended family. When you know that if you were in any sort of trouble, or bind or just needing an ear to listen...someone is just around the corner to be there. It's an amazing feeling and I forgot all about how it does feel. And how it goes. And how I am that same way. I started missing Winnipeg like crazy before moving here. I am glad we made this move cause I don't think I could stand the frigid winters out east ever again. lol
Anyhow, I went to the Couv to hook up with my folks who came into BC to see me! :o) (And Clint too of course...being that he is their son-in-law and he is an amazing husband that cares and loves and treasures their daughter as much as they do.) Well I met up with them there...spent a night in Burnaby at my Uncle's the ferried out here...to paradise. I LOVE having them here. I get such a charge when I am with family. Family is #1 man. You may not choose who your parents or siblings or grandparents or cousins etx are...but when there is such amazing love within the family, I cannot imagine any better feeling in the world than that unconditional pure, simple love. I am blessed with the bestest family! ;o) Thank God. I feel sorry for those that who do not have a close relationship with theirs. It's sad to me. Hopefully people that are in that situation have great friens who are a support to them. I know I treat my friends with shite families in a way where they feel a lot of love and encouragement and that nourishment that your family can give you. But I suppose I am that way to my friends that have the loving family too. I mean, like, I really just love the people in my life...family and friends and community. Love really does make the world go round. Without love we have a blackhole of despair. A smile, a hug and helping hand all go a long way...truly an amazing thing.
Bed time for Bonzo...that would be me. Got another long day of fun with my folks...hip hip hooray!!!! ;o)
Peace....
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