Friday, July 20, 2012

Life Lessons...

I believe that each and every single day there will be something new that we can learn....moments that we can pull some hint of wisdom out of. That is, as long as we are paying attention to our moments.

Up until about my 25th year, I was a pushover. (I pretty much still am, yet I am able to at least question that which I am being pushed towards and even at times NOT do what someone is expecting me to do for them even though I am not into it...get it? ha ha ha! Wordy.) In calling myself a pushover, I am merely stating that I have a REAL hard time saying no. I like to make people happy...and if that requires me to do something I have no desire to...I often have been seen doing it, for someone else of course. hee hee. When I was 25, I made a huge, life altering decision...I left my husband. Our relationship was incredibly tumultuous...and I just could no longer be the piƱata that he had grown to love to beat down. So, West I went. That was one of the very first times I decided to make my own do what I felt was best for me at the time. I did it sheepishly though, I left my home town without word to any of my family. I filled up my car and the U-Haul roof rack and to BC I drove. My reasons for keeping it secret (I did tell my work of course...I had to quit) were so that I would not have to listen to some telling me to stay and work it out. For, in my mind I had done everything that I could think of to make my marriage a happy one, to be the best housewife I could be, loving, nurturing, a great cook, look sexy and most of all tried so hard to stop the abuse. (to the women out there in an abusive relationship....he will NOT stop hurting NEED to walk away, no matter what.) Anyhow, I left. I felt amazing. I felt strong. I felt independant...I felt powerful. THAT gave me fervour to keep telling it like it is.

I fully believe in making your feelings known if someone has hurt you, in any way, emotionally, physically, whatever...I think it is up to you to let that person in on your feelings. This is what I have been doing since that fateful morning I left Winnipeg a flurry of ice and snow and waaaaaaaaay too cold winds. (-27 that morning) So, it should all be good...right? No. For I surely have made some blunders in my "Hurt Feelings Proclamations". The real lesson there, that I have finally opened my eyes up and took notice of, was that I should NEVER try to explain my feelings via email. NEVER!!! (always take the time to go and see the person face to face.) The only reason I ever decided to write someone in one of these situations is because I would be too embarrassed to actually say it for real to that person...fear of them being angry with me for being hurt. Oh my. So, I felt it easier to allow my feelings to flow when I could hide behind my computer. Easier maybe for me...but those words to the one reading it can be confusing. There is emotion behind the words, but that emotion gets lost and warped through black & white letters. It will always come out wrong. Therefore causing a whole new ball of gross stinky ear wax that you were trying to avoid in the first place. All you can do after that is apologize. And NEVER do that again. Some people will forgive and forget...that is how we should all be. We all make mistakes...apologize for them. Humble yourself and let others know that you do in fact feel bad for what you said or did. Now, it is off of your did right in the end. If you are not forgiven...that is not your baggage to carry. Let it go and keep on keeping on. Life is too short to carry grudges and hold resentment towards anybody. Who cares that Stephen Harper is a terrible Prime Minister...he will not always run our country...let it go. (just a little example...there is alot of boiling blood over him...and what does that help? We just got to be strong and united and know that Canada is in fact an awesome country and we will get back on track again one day...with a new Prime Minister.) ;o) I know...sooooo off topic! hee hee.

So that is my life lesson of today. Share your feelings face to face with people. Apologize when you have hurt someone, forgive when someone asks. Then you should have no negative neurons bouncing around that head of yours...those are bad ones...get rid of them. Clear your mind and life will be fine. On to next lesson.... ;o)

Ay yi yi...I've got to catch up on my 12:12 photos. Life has been EXTREMELY busy for me these past few weeks. I seem to never have much time to just be at home chillin'. But it is all good...I am involved in the Musical "The Cult of Brother XII" that will be playing this August in the Dodd Narrows room of the Nanaimo Conference Centre on Commercial Street. (tickets available at the Port Theatre Box Office or at Fringetastic ...only $10!!!) I have been enjoying the process immensely...working with a stellar cast and a director that is smart, funny, ummmmm loud and VERY talented! ;o) Can't wait for it to be on stage!


Saturday July 7 12:12 pm Sitting on the "upper deck" chatting with JoJo Darling about picking me up for rehearsal for the musical. She plays Freddy, the lesbian reporter. (it is set in 1929...she is very progressive for her time)
Sunday July 8 12:12 pm...this is bad. I have NO clue where I was...what I was I was feeling...whom I was with. I imagine, because there is no photo evidence, that I was daydreaming in my watery womb of safety zone...I must have been immersed in my tub.These busy days make me often dream of just relaxing in the warm and healing waters of my soaker yeah, that is exactly where I was!! ;op
Monday July 9 12:12 pm Watering all of my flowers and veggies. I love the HOT PINK Cosmos. So pretty! They LOVE the brightness of the too! (it was my Niece Elona's 9th birthday too...Champagne birthday...yay!! Love you Elona!)
Tuesday July 10 12:12 pm This pic makes me laugh actually...and it's not just cause of my silly 'Cartman' smile. I am standing on the deck of our last rental. We used the empty house for some this day. The house is for sale right now...nice sunny spot if you want to live on a beautiful island! ;o)
Wednesday July 11 12:12 pm Hee hee. I like this photo...Antony was on the phone and I was taking photos. He thinks I am pretty silly...well, I am! I enjoy the time I spend with Antony each week. I help him with some "office" type work and I get to hear stories from the way way olden days forward and just get to hang with an incredibly sweet and funny man. Antony is 92 years old and still writing shows that he can perform in front of audiences all over. You rock Antony! ;o)
Thursday July 12 12:12 pm What else would we might be doing at this walkies!! If it weren't for Maggie & Larry right now, I might never get to the beach...daily. :o) I need to get them exercise, the beach is the best for that. I get to beach comb for glass and china and other treasures...they get to play. Perfect!
Friday July 13 12:12 pm Brother XII rehearsal at The Surf. ;o) This is my mask for the "Media Scrum" scene. We play a group of news hounds trying to get the scoop from Doris Abercrombie, Senior Journalist at the Gulf Islands Gazette! ;o)
Saturday July 14 12:12 pm Yep, you guessed it...Brother XII again. There needs to be a lot of rehearsing...we got to make this awesome...and it is. The nice thing about our rehearsal space is that we are across from the ocean side...white waves slapping the shore...sea lions arfing in the background. Rehearsing on a sunny afternoon ain't too shabby I say...when you still have the beach in your sights! ;o)
Sunday July 15 12:12 pm Pole painting!!! The community voted...more poles got painted. Yay! Four poles going up the hill from the ferry have now been beautified by four talented and sweet artists. Tina Lynch, Derrill Shuttleworth, Melinda Wilde and Clint McCartney. This is Clint doing the background colours of his awesome pole...all four poles turned out absolutely brilliant. What a wonderful AND colourful island we live on.

Here is Clint and his finished pole. Very cool pop art pole! After he finally got the sun and it's beams right in white...I painted it in yellow! My arm is STILL sore from doing it...but it was fun and exciting to be a part of this community project. Yay Gabriola!! ;o)

Monday July 16 12:12 pm Tinson Point's Larry's favourite beach to go to. He has an affection for the clam shell...they may be empty, but he is enamoured by them...they must still have some "presence" to them. Larry digs a moat around is hilarious to watch. We are thinking maybe the barnacles that live on the shell are speaking to him...taunting it. ;o)
Tuesday July 17 12:12 pm He's glowing! ;o) I actually think that he is...on the inside and it is coming through. We spent some time responding to emails regarding his show "One Man in His Time" that he recently wrote and perfected on stage for an intimate more than 250. It is his story of his time in the "Desert War" of WWII between 1940-1943. This was in Egypt and Libya...a lot happened there during the war...I did not know that before seeing Antony's show. Tears, laughter and pure enjoyment I got out of it. If you keep an eye on this page...performance dates and places will be shown.
Wednesday July 18 12:12 pm Loading the kids in the truck and heading to le beach! Got our water and treats and bright orange floaty ball. Sorry Maggie....we forgot your umbrella. ;o(
Thursday July 19 12:12 pm Ahhhhh. What a lovely scene this is. Beauty day. Sunny, hot, blue skies and fluffy clouds. I would have loved to have stayed for hours...we only got one. Life is busy...but you still got to enjoy the moments where you can in fact breathe. ;o) is cloudy. I was woken by the gentle sound of rain...then immediately hopped out of bed to run downstairs and check the deck for things need not getting wet. Then running to the truck to close the windows...seats got a wee bit wet. The nice thing about plants got watered, the trees and grass and animals got watered, people's cisterns got fed...and now it is not raining. Maybe the sun will come out. The dogs and I are definitely ready to go to the beach again. ;o)

Friday, July 6, 2012

The rollercoaster of life...

The last few days I have been feeling completely deflated...stripped of all that brings a smile to my heart...the pain has been intense! (to say the least) I admit, sheepishly, that I have been feeling incredibly overwhelmed with feelings of self pity...having those "why do I HAVE to deal with this" moments. I have been dealing with some increase of muscle tension in my upper arm/shoulder...contributed by tossing the ball for Larry. This makes me feel over-the-top depressed. The joy that I get out of the act of throwing the ball for Larry, watching his tail bounce up and down, wag side to side as he leaps and strides and bites for that bright orange ball...oh my...pure and true love and peace. I came to the realization once before...but re-learned the lesson this morning as the muscle in the back of my arm felt like it split when I threw the ball. Ouch. No more fun...again.

That feeling of ineptness, inability, worthlessness and just what the heck am I even around for, waste of air. You know...that "Oh, woe is poor poor me." Suck it up. AGAIN! I fully was feeling the need to write about my sorrow this morning as I got out of bed. I was in pain, feeling frustrated about it and needing to vent. My day got away with me...emails, breakfast, packaging some important mail and dog walking before rehearsal (for the Brother XII musical at Nanaimo Fringe Festival this August). The beach was awesome...the day was full of sunshine and little cloud...the waves were gentle and tide was going out. I had to rush off...I asked Clint to meet me at the post office later on to go back. Clint arrived...dogs in back, swimming suits in bag, freshly grilled chicken wings in Tupperware, one stop for a few cold brews and back to the beach we went. I swam! First time this year...Oh! What a feeling! I love it. I feel so happy and renewed and excited for the summer that is now beginning. Oh bliss!!! ;o) Clint and I walked into the deep waters...i swam out and slowly paddled my way back in. It was glorious. Pain is always so beautiful!!!

(Yet...the pain is there...I have a whack of pics to download for the past week and so of 12:12's. Ack! Here they are....nothing special....just the image of the moment. ;op)
Friday June 22 12:12 pm  ... (what else is new?)

Well...Saturday June 23 @ 12:12 pm ... I was at the beach...sans camera. Spending time with Clint, walking les chiens pre-rehearsal. My bag with camera in it was left at home...oops!
Sunday June 24 12:12 pm ... At G & Trevor's home for the "Home and Garden Tour." This pic went sideways...but this is merely 1/1000 of their beautiful landscaping surrounding their beautifully designed and built home. For sale now!!
Monday June 25 12:12 pm ... "Specialty Services" appointment in town. Free trip to Nanaimo...let's go shopping!! ;op
Tuesday June 26 12:12 pm ... headin' to the beach!
Wednesday June 27 12:12 pm ... Margy was clearing out the Yurtini. (childhood memories!)
Thursday June 28 12:12 pm ... inside the Old Crow Cafe. Yummy food!!
Friday June 29 12:12 AM .. luckily I took this pic after we left Artworks from the Opening of the 'Annual Object Show'...Thursday LATE night! I ended up  forgetting my camera next day for the "REAL" 12:12...the pm one...could have been the late night!! ;op
Saturday June 30 12:12 pm ... yet photo memory. I 'womanned" my friend Lindsay's stall at our Saturday market. She was away. I got to talk about and stare at her beautiful jewelry all morning long! ;o)
Sunday July 1 12:12 pm ... clean up for the long overdue deck party...Canadeck Partay!! Eh! It was a total blast. On To The Next Party! ;o) 
Monday July 2 12:12 pm Cleaning and hostessing duties got the better of me. Oh calgon...
Tuesday July 3 12:12 pm ... Waiting for Antony to get off of the phone...
Wednesday July 4 12:12 ... mere hours before that little "bump" got removed! Relaxing.
Thursday July 5 12:12 pm ... beautiful, beach, relaxy fun morning time. <3
Friday July 6 12:12 pm ...rushing off from the beach to catch my ride or daytime rehearsal. Wah...I don't WANT to leave the beach!!! ;op (thank goodness we went back!)
I feel so stoked now that summer actually feels like it is here to stay. Welcome back my long lost friend. My arm is always open for you! ;o) xoxo

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Happy Canada Day!!!

Hee hee hee! My little ceramic hot tub dude is really quite patriotic. (can you see the eagle in the background?) It's the one day of the year that we give props to this fabulous country of ours. All we need is a good leader and things will be just fine. ;op
I am proud to be Canadian...YEAH EH!!!! Woot Woot Woot! Party on Canadians! xoxo