Friday, July 6, 2012

The rollercoaster of life...

The last few days I have been feeling completely deflated...stripped of all that brings a smile to my heart...the pain has been intense! (to say the least) I admit, sheepishly, that I have been feeling incredibly overwhelmed with feelings of self pity...having those "why do I HAVE to deal with this" moments. I have been dealing with some increase of muscle tension in my upper arm/shoulder...contributed by tossing the ball for Larry. This makes me feel over-the-top depressed. The joy that I get out of the act of throwing the ball for Larry, watching his tail bounce up and down, wag side to side as he leaps and strides and bites for that bright orange ball...oh my...pure and true love and peace. I came to the realization once before...but re-learned the lesson this morning as the muscle in the back of my arm felt like it split when I threw the ball. Ouch. No more fun...again.

That feeling of ineptness, inability, worthlessness and just what the heck am I even around for, waste of air. You know...that "Oh, woe is poor poor me." Suck it up. AGAIN! I fully was feeling the need to write about my sorrow this morning as I got out of bed. I was in pain, feeling frustrated about it and needing to vent. My day got away with me...emails, breakfast, packaging some important mail and dog walking before rehearsal (for the Brother XII musical at Nanaimo Fringe Festival this August). The beach was awesome...the day was full of sunshine and little cloud...the waves were gentle and tide was going out. I had to rush off...I asked Clint to meet me at the post office later on to go back. Clint arrived...dogs in back, swimming suits in bag, freshly grilled chicken wings in Tupperware, one stop for a few cold brews and back to the beach we went. I swam! First time this year...Oh! What a feeling! I love it. I feel so happy and renewed and excited for the summer that is now beginning. Oh bliss!!! ;o) Clint and I walked into the deep waters...i swam out and slowly paddled my way back in. It was glorious. Pain is always so beautiful!!!

(Yet...the pain is there...I have a whack of pics to download for the past week and so of 12:12's. Ack! Here they are....nothing special....just the image of the moment. ;op)
Friday June 22 12:12 pm  ... (what else is new?)

Well...Saturday June 23 @ 12:12 pm ... I was at the beach...sans camera. Spending time with Clint, walking les chiens pre-rehearsal. My bag with camera in it was left at home...oops!
Sunday June 24 12:12 pm ... At G & Trevor's home for the "Home and Garden Tour." This pic went sideways...but this is merely 1/1000 of their beautiful landscaping surrounding their beautifully designed and built home. For sale now!!
Monday June 25 12:12 pm ... "Specialty Services" appointment in town. Free trip to Nanaimo...let's go shopping!! ;op
Tuesday June 26 12:12 pm ... headin' to the beach!
Wednesday June 27 12:12 pm ... Margy was clearing out the Yurtini. (childhood memories!)
Thursday June 28 12:12 pm ... inside the Old Crow Cafe. Yummy food!!
Friday June 29 12:12 AM .. luckily I took this pic after we left Artworks from the Opening of the 'Annual Object Show'...Thursday LATE night! I ended up  forgetting my camera next day for the "REAL" 12:12...the pm one...could have been the late night!! ;op
Saturday June 30 12:12 pm ... yet photo memory. I 'womanned" my friend Lindsay's stall at our Saturday market. She was away. I got to talk about and stare at her beautiful jewelry all morning long! ;o)
Sunday July 1 12:12 pm ... clean up for the long overdue deck party...Canadeck Partay!! Eh! It was a total blast. On To The Next Party! ;o) 
Monday July 2 12:12 pm Cleaning and hostessing duties got the better of me. Oh calgon...
Tuesday July 3 12:12 pm ... Waiting for Antony to get off of the phone...
Wednesday July 4 12:12 ... mere hours before that little "bump" got removed! Relaxing.
Thursday July 5 12:12 pm ... beautiful, beach, relaxy fun morning time. <3
Friday July 6 12:12 pm ...rushing off from the beach to catch my ride or daytime rehearsal. Wah...I don't WANT to leave the beach!!! ;op (thank goodness we went back!)
I feel so stoked now that summer actually feels like it is here to stay. Welcome back my long lost friend. My arm is always open for you! ;o) xoxo

1 comment:

  1. love you...
    i'm sorry you're having so much pain. :(
    wish there was something i could do to help.
    you're NOT a waste of air!!!!
    you're precious and beautiful and loved!
    2 Corinthians 12:9-10