Saturday, December 24, 2011

Kiss's Christmas!

I love the whole idea of mistletoe...I mean how cute is that? You stand under a twig of green leaves and someone has to give you a that is a sweet deal. ;o) Thing is, I have never really thought about where mistletoe comes from, or why we even do it. Like who started this whole kissy kissy thing anyways. Some dude that just wanted to get all the ladies in town to kiss him? The history of mistletoe is quite extensive and has a couple changes throughout. I am not super knowledgeable when it comes to mythology of any kind...Greek, Norse or whatever. I know Zeus and all his guys...TV's Hercules cartoon helped me with that! But, in doing a little research this past week, I have found out that mistletoe evolves originally from Norse mythology. That crazy god Loki schemed to have the god Baldr killed by the blind god Höðr by projectile of mistletoe. (what that means...I have no idea. An arrow made of mistletoe???) Anyhow, like how many stories change over the years, mistletoe soon became an example of male "divine" essence...fertility being a part of that. The thought of great fertility came from the little white berries which I guess they felt represented semen. ha ha ha! Sometime in the 3rd century, the ideology of mistletoe was changed with the widespread "new" christian religion and over the years to come it somehow became how we use it now. (wikipedia doesn't even know!) "Kissing" under the mistletoe dates back to as early as the 16th century in good old England, of course. ;o) The boys were allowed to kiss the girls underneath the mistletoe that hung in the doorway...each time a kiss was granted, a berry was removed from the mistletoe. Once all berries were removed, no more kisses were given. Soooo cute!

Before this week, I had no clue where the sweet little green leafy twig even came from. Being that we are with my parents down in Texas this Christmas, we are doing things their way. Which is the way I like it, the way I grew up...the way that makes me feel warmth and love. We always had a sprig of mistletoe at the front door at Christmas. My parents kept saying last week that we should go pick some mistletoe before the rest of the family came out. "Where do we buy it", I asked. "It's all over the place, we can pick it ourselves", replied my father. What??? Mistletoe is a parasite that grows in trees. Who knew? It grows there all year long, but you see it best in the winter when the real leaves of the tree drop. They grow in clumps. Eventually they will choke out the tree and kill it. How can such a lovely little plant do that? ;op Well, it does. (remember to take your mistletoe out of the trees in your yard if it's growing. You get to have the kissy fun at Christmas AND save your trees!) Thursday afternoon, Clint, my nephew Samuel and I went for a walk to go see the horses up the street. We found some mistletoe growing in a tree that was low enough for us to get it. We came home victoriously with a big twig of mistletoe. Kisses for everyone this Christmas!!
I wish everyone, all over the world a very Merry Christmas this year. May your home be filled with love, joy and peace. In whatever your traditions may be...may they be Merry and Bright! xox

Monday, December 19, 2011

Never judge a book by it's cover...

It's been said time and time again...all over the world, I am sure. Someone dresses in a certain style, wears clothing that is different than how "we" dress, has a shaved head, looks tough or rough...perhaps wearing clothing that leaves little to the imagination. Whatever the case may be, we often will serve up a character assassination on them. Like...she must be easy...he looks like a skinhead...hoity toity princess...unemployed bum....whatever we think in that first moment will be our definition of that person that we do not even know. How fair is that? It ain't fair at all...but I would say the majority of us do it. I too am guilty. I try real hard not to do it. For me, it has been a lifelong battle to not judge. I often am looked at instantly judged for so many other reasons. Obviously. (the wonders that people have when they first see me...accident...disease...however people think I lost my arm.) So I have tried to see people for who they are beyond what they look like. Wait til the moment that I may actually have the chance to say hello to them as I pass them on the street or in the mall...wait to hear them respond to me. I still don't have much right to judge after that can't get much out of a hello. But the fact that they DID in fact respond to my greeting...and the way that response comes out can say a whole heck of a lot. But...again, we have to also realize they may be going through some tough time or hurtful time and their response may be bleak. It don't mean anything to us...or it shouldn't. We got to remember that all of us are human with many emotions and feelings and bad days and good days. We ALL make mistakes, we all have pains and joys and memories. We are all the same.

Anyways....I was just reminded of this the other day. We had just gotten out of the van and started walking up the aisle in the uber busy parking lot of the Sam Moon in Northwest Dallas...this woman turned into the aisle on her big Harley. Total "Biker Bitch". I carefully took my camera out of my purse so that I could candidly take a photo of her and all her bikerness. Naturally, I assumed that if she had seen me with my camera she would stop the engine, get off the bike and take my camera. (I watch too many movies) Thankfully, she did not notice me and my swift blue canon. ;o) Clint and I proceeded to the T-shirt store to find my girlfriend a cheesy Texas tee. After finding the perfect top, I walked up to the counter to purchase it. The sales lady was busy chatting with someone on the other side, so I patiently waited for my turn. I heard her say to the other customer to come around so that she could pay for her purchase at the till. The other customer came out of the bustle of young girls looking at the feather fascinators and telling their mom that "this is what I want in my hair on my wedding day" (they were probably 16 years old...ha ha will probably change your minds sweethearts!). The woman that came out the other side was the Harley lady!! She had the sweetest, most high pitched voice...she saw me standing there and instantly apologized as if she had cut me in line. I told her to go ahead that she was in fact ahead of me and that I was in no hurry. She thanked me and continued to be ultra sweet to the sales lady. Hm. Totally NOT what I had expected at all. Teaches me to leave my judgement glasses at home and see people as the person they are...not what they are wearing or whatever.

Thank you Harley rocked my day!! :o)

Monday, December 12, 2011

Happy Birthday to me!

They say it's your birthday...happy birthday to you!!!

I turn another year older today...and I feel just fine. A little tired as I have been preparing for our family Christmas 2011. In terms of getting older though...I totally dig the whole aging and learning as you grow process. Man, I have learned a whole heap of important stuff in my life so far. I love life! And, I just felt the need to say that I love this day...and I can not wait til next years. This year I will be enjoying a delicious calzone at the Woodfire, it will be the 12th day of the 12th month and our reservations are at 12. Hmmmm...I should have made it for 12 people! ;o) Next year, my birthday will be real special once again. Like my champagne birthday where I turned 12 on the 12 of the 12. Oooooooh. 12/12/12 it will be for me...that is way too cool. Yup...I am just like a little girl! Excited about such simple things.

Here I am on my day of birth...many moons later of course. I have been up since about 5 am. I look a little sleepy...but also old and wise...n'est pas? hee hee

Peace out! xo

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Viva la Travel

I feel like it has not been that long since we last went away...we drove to Manitoba in the beginning of August. I suppose 4 months really isn't that long of a time, yet it seems as though so much has happened since then. was that trip that forecast this next one coming...dun dun dunnnnnn...Christmas travel! My dad was so overjoyed at our family reunion in August that all he could think of was having HIS whole family at their home down in Texas. So...a down home Christmas we will have this year. I know that it is going to be the best time ever. I know that I will be feeling teary and nostalgic as we are driving the Inter-State to DFW airport...already missing my sweet little nieces and nephews, my Omi, my sister, my brother and their spouses and then knowing full well I am about to have to say good-bye to mom and dad after we check our bags in. I try hard not to cry so that my mom doesn't cry. I hate seeing my mom cry. I really love my family to pieces...couldn't imagine not having them in my life. I am blessed to have a close and loving family.

Now, with that all being said I also am very attached to my little island paradise. I believe that one of the smartest moves Clint and I have ever made was moving to Gabriola. There has been many a tough time...but different than tough times dans le city. It is such a unique and simple lifestyle out here. It is definitely not for fact, I feel that most people I know would never, ever want to live here full time. It's like country living with a ferry in between you and the big bad city. It is way more effort than necessary to get over to where "all of the action is". And I love it that way. I do not, not like the has its purposes...I just love the quiet and easy life of the "country". When we leave here I miss taking Maggie to the beach for a walk and listening to the waves and birds and smelling the sometimes stinky ocean breeze. I miss my friends, I miss the people that I always see and enjoy a quick chat with, I miss the dark night sky filled with a million twinkling stars and dancing with my moon shadow with the full moon down on the beach...or my porch. hee hee. I love the life that Clint and I have out here. I don't mind that there are only like 3 restaurants to choose from if we decided to go out to eat. I don't mind that every business is closed by 10 pm the latest...unless it is the bar, which stays open til midnight...1 on the weekend. I even love (well, most of the time) that each time I leave my house I will run in to at least one or two people that know me by name and are genuinely happy to see me and know how I am doing...and I the same for them. I love the people in my community. It is all these sweet and simple things that I miss so dearly when we are away.

People travel from all over this great big globe of ours to come and visit this little island that we call home. That makes me proud to live be Gabriolan. We are all so very lucky to live here...we all know it! ;o) I also feel that we are lucky to see other places though too...experience other cultures and food and lifestyles and a whole bunch of stuff that you wouldn't see or do if you only stayed home. So, I am excited to travel down to the big old State of Texas...yeeeeeeha! It's gonna be fun. Before we know it we will be back in our cozy little home on our precious little island and enjoying the memories of the fun times we had. Viva la travel!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Oh, my love of ceramica...

It new addiction to the art of playing with clay. Molding a pile of "mud" into an object of desire...I find it stimulating and amazing and I am totally ALL over it! In my mind, it is a hobby that pretty much every living human being can enjoy. It's one part being a kid and getting your hand(s) dirty playing in the mud and one part, "I am creating something magical!" I find myself continuing to thank Mariko for suggesting to Bryan that they buy a home on Gabriola and continue their artistic passions on a remote island that allows the flow of energy in order to be perhaps, even more creative than in the big bustling city of Calgary. Feedlot Studios is da bomb and I am thankful that I have it as my home away from home to get my creative juices flowing and mold some mud into something I see as special. I love it!!! I highly recommend that all people, at least once in their life take to a ceramics course or join an open ceramics night in your neighbourhood. I know they have them in the big the Yellow Pages, errr, I mean Google a studio in your area...have some fun. Let your imagination run wild...feel free.

Recently, a friend of mine commissioned me to make an ash tray for a friend of hers. She liked the bathtub tray that I made in the spring...she had faith in me that I could produce what she was looking for. I am grateful for that...she made me feel special even just for asking. ;o) Her friend, in conversation one night said it would be hilarious to have an ass tray. The mind could go to so many different places with that in mind when designing your creation. Clint was suggesting some hilarious yet rather distasteful ways of making it...I laughed at the ideas...they were funny...but not my style. I guess you could say that I am more of a creator of the "cute". Like I always say, "I am just a big kid", so I enjoy things that are sweet and cute and innocent, yet still with that bit of cool that I have always enjoyed. I put quite a bit of thought into my creation...even though it seems quite simple. An Ass Tray for sure HAS to have an ass as part of do I make it look cool?? Butts are always sticking out of everyone's jeans these days. Crack is just a part of everyday...ass crack that is! ;op I went in that direction. You need an ash tray to butt out your ciggies, cigars or doobies or whatever...why not have a sweet tray to do it in? Well, this is where my brain took me...

I am happy with how it turned was a fun project. You can even keep your pack of cigs or lighter or whatever inside the body cavity! Was I thinking, or what? I just really liked how in the creation of this piece, I was allowed to be free with my imagination and let the idea take me to a place of that was outside of the norm. Perfect! Thanks Patricia for the fun time! ;o) I really hope that your friend enjoys it for years. It's a piece of art that you can use! hee hee hee.

Monday, November 28, 2011


I haven't been feeling too sunny these past few hasn't been sunny outside at least I am not alone. I have been letting things get to me lately. Life can often be stressful, if we allow it to be. All of us have a struggle or two to deal with. It is how we deal with our struggles that affects us...either positively or negatively. I suppose it is the change of season, into dark times, that will very often take affect on us. So the sun is not around as much as we like it to be. It comes up later and goes down earlier...not to mention that the winter has many a grey day out here in the Pacific Northwest. They say vitamin D will cure the winter blues. I believe it can help. But I also believe that keeping a positive outlook on things also is extremely important. I have been letting my life struggles take me down a bunch of notches lately. Everything that I am involved with is taxing right now. And I have taken things that people have said or done to me extremely personally...if they were meant to be or not. I have been feeling under attack. Whether or not I am being attacked should not be my concern. If I were strong I would not even think of it is a negative anything. I would just keep on my merrily way as if nothing is out of the ordinary. We all have stress and let it out in different ways. Sometimes those stresses cause us to lash out verbally, emotionally and unfortunately sometimes physically on people, inanimate objects or even pets...none of whom deserve it. As a collective we need to feel the constant flow of good or bad times love needs to be the constant. Love means acceptance, forgiveness, trust, honour, respect, empathy and even a whole lot of laughs. This is what we must remember...this is what I must remember.

The sun is out today and I am trying to bring out my sunshine too. Stress makes my heart more hurt please...bring on the warm rays of love!
outside my window right now...hello sunshine! ;o)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

It ain't perfect...

And no one ever told me it was going to be. Well nobody in my no adult that I came in contact with ever told me that life would be would be as amazing as I could possibly imagine. Because honestly...I could imagine my world to be pretty serene and void of all negativity and unfortunate circumstance or happenstance. Life is just so unpredictable and new. I mean, it is forever changing. Why??? Well, we surround ourselves with people...people who are their own individuals. People who have had their life and their past of all good and bad...just like us...just different stuff. All of that "stuff" forms who we are today. We react a certain way to certain things because of instances and complications that arose in our childhood...our teen years...our formative years. Life is FAR from perfect. There is NO way that any of us will ever find the perfect life here on earth.

We can make it good though. Treat your family, friends and neighbours with respect. Treat yourself with respect. Treat the other living creatures that surround you with respect and love. We are all living on this big old planet that was named earth. Earth inhabits many species, many breeds, many kinds of all living organisms. That includes us...yeah, us people. Love one another. Respect one another. But before you can do that do it all for yourself first. You are awesome. You are smart. You are beautiful. You are worth it!!! Feel those things and easily you will feel that about the person standing next to you.

It ain't, that is. So I just had to push out a quick little rant...feeling a bit high stress at the moment and needing to bring myself down. Ahhhhhh. I feel better. Peace out!

Monday, November 21, 2011

100 mile diet.

In the last few years I have heard about the 100 mile diet from various sources...basically, we should be eating food that was grown locally. I would say that I am a firm believer in that belief. Seriously...corn that was organically grown up the street and harvested in late August...or corn grown in a greenhouse using pesticides and GMO seeds...what sounds more appetizing?? I'd rather enjoy corn seasonally. Same with all other veggies and fruit. Give it to me when it is grown naturally and is in season because that is when it truly has the most fabulous conditions for proper maturation and delicious flavours. The four seasons of what yields at the time.

Same goes for me when purchasing "stuff" least this is how I have been thinking in the last few years. I buy products from a local store. In a way...right now I could be considered hypocritical...I buy local because there are no "box store" outlets here. The only "chain" business here would be the Credit Union, the AutoPlan, the Co-op, the Realty Office and the Auto Pro I buy gas, snacks and car insurance from a big business. Everything else that I buy is bought from a store/shop that was started up owned by someone locally. To go to the Wal-Mart or Costco or Winners I need to take a ferry...I can't be bothered. (I still get over there once in a blue moon...I do, at times, shop at really get a lot for less...can't help but save $$) It also generally makes me feel a whole heck of a lot better to give my dollars to someone that I know...or at least people who live in my community and will be able to eat and pay for the roof over their heads because I bought a bottle of wine, cheese and a beautifully handmade wooden cutting board while browsing in their shops. It just makes you feel better. Part of the "feeling" better is the shop owner's outward heartfelt gratitude to you for purchasing the items you need in their shop. The huge sparkly smile that goes from cheek to cheek...nothing like it. Times are tough. There are so any big companies with massive buying power to stomp out the little guy...the mom and pop shoppes across the globe. Look at photos of downtown cores in cities across the world...third world countries even. You will see the golden arches...McDonald's. For real. I have often thought about and felt bad about the family run restaurants that used to pride themselves in the fact that they had a running business in the core of their city...what has become of most of them? Run out of business. Tourists don't even have time to relax and enjoy their vacation...they run around needing to see absolutely everything they have heard about or read about. Show me the ruins, pyramids, jails, towers, bridges...blah, blah, blah. What about the culture, the people? No time. Got to get fast food...oh sweet McDonald's is here...Big Mac anyone?? sad.

Again, times are tough man. We got to keep it together...we got to hold each other what we can to keep humanity alive. The 100 mile's Christmas time. I don't want to say that you got to get out and buy, buy, buy. But most of us do like to give gifts at Christmas. It's about family and love and enjoying it all together...sometimes that love makes us go out and find something special for someone that we love. Well this year I am doing just that. Special gifts for the people that I love most and barely family. We are spending a "Down Home" Christmas in Texas this year. All of my family core will be here. First time in many years. Like most everyone we know, money is frighteningly tight this year...but we want to show up bearing from the heart. Most of them will be made by us. Clint has been working on a beautiful portrait of my parents from Christmas 1968...soooo cool! I have been making personalized plates for all 7 of my nieces and nephews...when they eat dinner they can always think of me. ;o) I bought a beautiful fused glass window hanger from the colourful and fabulous studio of Tammy Hudgeon for my Omi. She will adore the colours sparkling into her apartment from the glass tree that was handmade on the little island I live on. I have a few more gifts I need to buy...this weekend...Crafted Booty at Feedlot Studios. Nov 25 from 5-9 pm and Nov 26 from 10am-4pm...20 fabulous Gabriola artists combining their wonderful works of art into a boutique style Christmas Craft Sale. Ceramics, cards, sewn treasures, knitted objects of desire, jewelery, paintings, mixed media pieces, is all going to be there and it is going to be fantastico!!

I bet there are a ton of local craft fairs near you. have fun...go check them out. Meet some new and cool and creative folk. Maybe get inspired yourself. I know online shopping can be a breeze...but also so lonely and boring. Hook up with your friends...check out some local sales...go for a much deserved glass of wine at a local restaurant after and talk about the unique and fabulous things that you just were lucky enough to see. We live in an amazing world filled with hidden talents. Some of that talent is all about the eye some makes you feel good!

A cross stitch and beach glass framed scene I made for the sale...cute eh? ;o) During the power outage last week we played with clay (all in the kiln with colourful glazes now)...Crafted Booty on the mind! Way more cooler stuff than this to see at the sale...come check it out if you're on Gabriola this weekend. Be there or be square with not as cool gifts. ba ha haha!!! peace...and of course...I hope that everyone enjoys a lovely season with family, friends and good times. xox

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I try and I try...

I really do try...real hard. And, at times I feel that I have conquered the emotional war happening inside my heart and my mind. I mean...I am very happy with my life, the way it is. It is by no means perfect, but at least I can say that I love where I live, I love my community, my friends, my family is super awesome, I am married to a most amazing man who loves me (even though I am el nutso!), I have Maggie and Wensday whom I adore, who are my "children". I know..."they are NOT children"..."they are NOT human". I get that from my mom and my Omi all of the time. I do not have children of my own. These animals that I have living in my home, sleeping on my bed (Wensday) or on her own bed (Maggie) on the floor at the foot of the bed...these animals ARE in fact very much like children to me. I need to feed them and love them and give them attention. I need to give Maggie exercise each and every day and let her out when she needs to go to the bathroom. I have to pay attention to their lives and take care of them. That is a lot of what a parent must do for their own child...I am theoretically a parent. And I love my kids! ;op

If I could have my way...if my dreams could come true...I would have a child of my own. A child of flesh and blood and made from the love that Clint and I would have for that sweet baby child. The love that we have for one another and the love that we have for life and community and the earth could be shared and taught to another human to carry on and share themselves. Make the world a better place one baby at a time. :o) I used to lose sleep over the fact that we had decided to have a baby and nothing was happening. Like, hello...we are ready to get pregnant and have a baby...what is going on here? After only 6 months of trying I was starting to lose my mind. I felt like less of a woman...every other married woman in my family has a child or two or three...even four. I started blaming myself for all sorts of reasons One being that I was not good enough to raise a child. Then I felt like, maybe because I have one arm, I will not be able to do it. I don't believe that, at all. But, I tend to blame any "failure" on me having one arm. Like that is my sentence for life. Things will not usually go as planned...because I have one arm. I have lost that train of thought for a bit now...but those feelings can creep up easily sometimes. It's my ego. Wah. I am working real hard on that thing...I want to always feel at peace. I just want to feel okay with the fact that we have been "trying to get pregnant" for almost 7 years now. We will be celebrating our 7 year anniversary next weekend...soon after our wedding we had the baby urge. ;o) I really, really wanted it to happen. And it wasn't. I allowed all of my feelings to over take me. I was in great turmoil. I lost focus on life and what was even going on. I was happily married...things were good. I was numb. I lost my spirit...I gave up in so many ways. I kept up appearance though. That's what I do. You will never know if I am hurting...I keep that to myself. I should be smiley all of the time. At least that is what I say to myself. And for the most part...I am smiley because I am happy. Then...once in a while I allow things to get to a point where I become fragile and stressed out and forget all about my happiness.

Like right now...I am sitting here feeling empty. Why??? Because I am not pregnant. Because I am childless. And that is absolutely crazy to me. I forever ago accepted that I just have to go with the flow. I can get pregnant...I have had ALL of the tests...Clint too. It is just not happening. And honestly, I really am okay with that. It may never happen. And it really is okay. Except I really am so overwhelmed by a million other things going on that are stressing me out, that right now I am just so sad that I just had my period...again! (sorry for being so's life) I used to be like this every single month. I would always think I was pregnant...I would count down the days until my period was due. When it came, I cried. When it was a day late, I ran out and bought a pregnancy kit...$15 wasted each time. (I would have so much $$$ if I didn't buy those things!!) These days, I am getting a wee bit on the "something to hold onto" kind of weight. I am not the thin woman I used to be. I am in my late 30's...I am thickening. And my belly is becoming "pot-like". It's all right. I don't mind the weight...I can exercise and lose it. But, because I have a pot belly, this last month I was feeling different. I felt, maybe something worked this can't be just fat. ;op It is. At least when you put weight on it goes everywhere...I almost have cleavage!! ha ha ha!!! Seriously though...I would love to have my belly fattening up because there is a sweet little baby growing inside of there and I am nurturing it with all of the goodness that I am putting in to my body. All of the goodness that I am thinking and feeling in my heart and head would feed that baby too. Our baby would be so loved. I am still someone who firmly believes that babies are a blessing. Maybe someday if it doesn't happen naturally we will adopt a child who needs a home. That would be nice too. Children need to be loved and shown the way...the good way to live. Be a loving yet strong who you are, proud of who you are, proud of where you came yourself and peaceful, show peace, live in peace...just keep fighting the good fight. I feel that one day we can get humanity's slipping away, but there are enough of us to bring it back.

I am so all over the place. I think I need to try and shut off. What is on the boob tube...Glee! That ought to help shut the drama off in my brain. I will just melt into a spot where I am comfy cozy and veg out enjoying some visual entertainment. Life is good. I am happy. I really am. It's okay to let your guard down once in a while and just feel some hurt. Just don't take it personally. Let it out and see it for what it is. Just another part of life...anything can happen on this ride! I just got to try and keep in my seat and enjoy the ride.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


Today is a special "Champagne"'s 11/11/11...I can't wait til it is 11:11 on 11/11/11. I think I just wanted to write it out...I think it is way cool. It's like, Stick Day!! (we call 11:11 stick time...1:11 mini stick...just so you know.)

The other, probably more important aspect of today, is that it is Remembrance Day. A day to think back upon the lives that were lost, the battles that were and still are being fought by people just like you and me. Always, on this day, I get personal and think about my Grandfathers and what they did and went through during WWII. They were both in the German army. (NOT Nazi...just because someone is German does NOT mean they were part of that ignorant way of thought.) My Opi was a soldier on the front lines, hiding in fox holes and being shot at (wounded) and probably shooting out in fear also. He was 19 years old. He hated talking about guns or anything about war. He mostly spoke of living in a P.O.W. camp in France. But really, he didn't speak much about it...he was a loving and wonderful man...that was just a bad memory to him. And then there was Opa. He would never talk about the war. He was in his mid to late twenties when he fought. If we ever ran around, pretending to shoot one another (like playing cops & robbers or whatever) he would get upset at us and tell us to NEVER play with guns...even as a game, because it is not a game. I still hate guns, probably because of Opa. He was a smart man.

In my reflections this morning, I was drawn to thoughts of my Opa. Because he never spoke of what the war meant for him, besides an obvious distaste for it...I didn't really know what he did during it. I used to think he was a sniper when I was a kid...hiding on tops of buildings and shooting the bad guys. But, he wasn't. This past summer, at my family reunion, my Uncle spoke of what it was like when they escaped East Germany as a family. I had always heard the stories of how they all left separately to get through the border to they had left EVERYTHING behind. Their home and all belongings, my Opa's greenhouse business, properties that he rented out to a church and other people...they just left it behind to escape communism. But it wasn't just communism that they were fleeing from...this is the story of how my Opa was a real Hero...

Opa had property in Frankfurt an der Oder (East Germany...there are two Frankfurts.) where they had their family home, a greenhouse and a huge field for growing flowers and vegetables. On the other side of their property was a huge barricaded and fenced property owned by the Russians. It was some sort of base camp for them...trucks and soldiers always coming and going. My Opa came and went quite a bit too...he was taking his beautiful cauliflowers and bedding plants to the markets...and once a month to the market in West Berlin. (they would allow him to leave once a month to do his sales.) The Russians next door to my Opa and family would bring their compost to him to deal with. It would be mostly food scraps and such...Opa found papers in it too. Papers with information on it...information about raids and operations going on and so on. My Opa, like I said, was a very smart man. He collected these papers with Russian inside information and brought them on his trips to West Berlin to the American army that was stationed there. This went on for sometime. He would hide the papers under the soil under the bedding plants that he would bring to market in West Berlin. How smart is that? He would have his cart filled with cauliflower and bedding Uncle Walter or my dad would usually accompany him...that must have also made him look less man. Somehow, someone on the wrong side caught wind of what Opa was up to. Opa was a friendly man and most people liked and respected him. Thankfully one of those people was part of the government and got word that the STASI was coming for him...and they would be at his house tomorrow. This was January 1953. Plans were made and set out Opa took my Tante Elfriede, very early in the morning to the train station where they got on a train and headed to West Berlin. A few hours later, his sister took my dad and my Tante Gerlinde on a "trip" to West Germany to visit with least that is what was told to the border guards. Now the rest was up to my Oma...oh my, she too was a very strong and capable woman. (I miss them so much.) She was left with my Uncle Walter and Tante Irene, who was just a baby at the time...she packed a small bag and off they went to the train station with the help of another sister of my Opa's. Oma had a letter signed by a doctor a year or so prior that my Uncle Walter needed shoulder surgery. That letter was their ticket out of there. The soldier stopped them and told them not to board the train...they were about to start questioning my Oma when they were called over to something else at the border. Opa's sister quickly helped Oma and children onto the now leaving train...they were headed for freedom.

A week after they all escaped, there was a "Wanted" ad in the paper for my Opa...he was wanted by the STASI for questioning on treason. My Opa risked everything to help his country get their freedom back from going to communism. What a brave and smart man he was. He helped his country more than he was required of...he never spoke of it. What a humble and amazing man. That is exactly how I do remember him.

From L to R...Elfriede, Oma, Lothar (my dad), Walter, Opa and Gerlinde. Photo taken in early 1951.

The story is so interesting to me. Tears ran down my cheeks as my Uncle read through it. He posted the story on his blog this past summer. To read the whole nitty gritty, feel free to check it out here. Peace.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

"Where does the time go"???

I've heard people exclaim, with an emotional feeling of disbelief in their voice that exact phrase throughout my entire life. I also have noticed that, I myself have come to repeat those five words quite a lot over the past few years. Days can fly by so quickly...and yet sometimes, I can't even recall what I did a few days prior because it honestly seems like so long ago. What is up with that??'s age I tell ya! I am not saying that I am aged or anything. I am aging...ever single day...I am fully aware of that fact. And time will not go by slower along with my reduced movement. It just keeps ticking away. Though, I can understand what those folks were chirping about way back then. I used to think that it was a comical someone who was bored just made it up because it sounded so absurd to say. Like as if time could go anywhere. There is always time to get things done...unless of course it is now Saturday evening suppertime and you still haven't finished your chores for the will surely tell me that I "ought to get it done in time to have dinner"! Time almost seemed to stand still when I was a kid. I remember summer vacations seeming like they were endless. By the time fall came back around and it was time to head back to school, I had completely forgot what it was like to sit in that desk in the flourescently lit class all day long. The last time I had to stay indoors for the majority of my wake time was months ago...and it seems like at least a whole year had gone by. Or having to go out to the mall with my mom. If I recall correctly, we generally walked around the entirety of Polo Park, stopping in most of it's many shops to browse and maybe try stuff on...well my mom would try stuff on, I would watch...this would last for about 3 hours. I would complain the whole time that I was soooooo bored and it was taking sooooooo long. Now, 3 hours is not an overly long period of time to do some serious shopping...even window shopping. (I don`t shop...I live on an island...I went through a shopoholics phase once. Retail therapy is another thing only ``seasoned`` adults can actually comprehend.) When I think back to my younger teenaged ages 12-14, I could spend many hours, with my girlfriends in the mall and not even think about the fact that we had spent our whole Saturday wandering up and down the various wings of St. Vital Mall. Sometimes just following a group of boys or having them follow us around. Ha ha ha...what is that all about anyways?? Oh teenagers! :o)

3 hours of time...I enjoy going to do ceramics a la Feedlot Studios and play with clay (make my nieces and nephews personalized dinner plates)...3 hours flies by and I still feel like I need more time to create, yet I have no more time...I got stuff to do. As in ``stuff``, I mean getting to the grocery store to pick veggies and things up to make dinner with, I need to stop and get gas, I need to take Maggie for a walk, I need to get ``creating`` for the Christmas craft sale (Crafted Booty), I need to rake and clean up leaves, I need to cook something for the third freakin`potluck this month, I need, I need, I need...ugh! I don`t even have a full time job or anything...but my life can be pretty full time. At the moment, I feel socially overloaded. There has been quite a few get togethers of birthdays, Halloween, housewarmings, art openings, going away parties...that is a lot of wine and a lot of late nights. I am too old for hat. I feel the need to sleep in after being out in the evening, but I do not like to sleep in because I feel that I am losing hours of a day in doing so. At 20,when I moved back home after living on my own for a year, I would party all night at the bar or whatever and then sleep til 4 in the afternoon. My mom was out of her mind with frustration over me and the way I was living my life. But I was not in school, I worked only part time for a few months til I started another part time job, I didn`t like living back at home was free room & board so I had $$ to spend on going out to eat and drink. I guess I had zero responsibility and zero respect for myself and everyone else in my family...I became a sloth...I had the time to be one. (can`t change the just got to own it...understand why you were that way so it doesn`t repeat itself in your adult years.) I could sit here and imagine all of the things I could have possibly done with that time...big things I imagine, if I were the same person I am now...oh yeah...BIG things!! But, it does not really matter...I finally feel as though I am truly a happy person. My life feels right, right now. Things are good for me mentally and emotionally...even spiritually. I feel at ease in my life, where I am at in all aspects. I wouldn`t mind a better financial outlook, less debt and all...but money does not buy what I have AND own right now. I feel like I do have all of the time in the world for the things that I feel like doing. I enjoy each and every moment in time that I am given. I know that time goes a heck of a lot faster than I could have ever dreamed, and I imagine it will only seemingly get faster. Those aspects of time are what draws me to enjoy all of it. Like for real...``don`t sweat the small things```...another 5 words I heard often and now I firmly believe in. I was feeling frustrated with myself earlier for not blogging for over a week...the blog helps me get crap outta my head...I also love to write. :o) Why frustrate over something I obviously didn`t feel that I had the time for?? Just got to go with the flow of ``my`` time...keep it all on track and keep on keeping on. ;o)
Time will continue to tick until it is done...who even knows when that is or what that even means. That is for a scientist or somebody to think on. I am just here to have a good time! Peace out!

Sunday, October 30, 2011


One of my favourite times of year is when every single one of us can play dress up and act like a bunch of kids...enjoy some good old fashioned F-U-N! I have loved Halloween ever since I was a child. Mom would make us a costume, usually something nice like a clown or princess or something non-devilish because "that would be bad"...and on Halloween night we would hop in the van and dad would bring us to a populated neighbourhood to go trick or treating. (we were more "countryish" where our house was...kind of outskirts of Winnipeg at that time.) I loved having our pillowcases filled with all sorts of treats to eat later that evening when we were back at home sitting beside a nice fire. Some years, our costumes had to fit over our snowsuits because it had already snowed and it was freezing cold outside. But all of the kids in town would still head out and walk the streets looking for tasty, sweet treats! I remember the last year that I went trick or treating I was in grade 7 and I was still 11 years old. I felt like I was probably verging on the "too old" to go door to door for candy...but that year my mom said that I could go on my own with my friend Cathy. Oh man, I was so first year without dad hauling me around. Sweet! I also figured that because I was making my own costume that year, that I would go as something scary...the undead. No, I wasn't a zombie...I was a mummy.  I tore up old white bed sheets and wrapped them around my legs, body and was an excellent costume. Did you catch that?? I said arms. Ha ha ha! I said it, cause I was in fact wearing an artificial arm. I would never leave my house without wearing it back then. So, to me, when I think back to that "liberating" Halloween experience...being on my own, being something scary...I think I could have been a heck of a lot scarier had I NOT worn that plastic, rubber and metal strapped on appendage.

You would think that in having only one arm I would take full advantage of that simple fact each and every Halloween. I mean, isn't the "holiday" all about creepy, crawly, scary and horrifying things? Yes. It definitely is exactly that...even though people are fighting to make it sweet and friendly. Scary is fun. I like to scare people...I especially like to sneak up and scare people at anytime of the year. I am just a big kid! But I never even thought about using my one armedness in a costume until I was 22. I decided to dress up as a ski bunny who had a horrible ski accident after which a zombie tore off my arm and ate it, in turn making me a "Ski Bunny Zombie". I was cute...but bloody and pale and undead. Awesome costume!

Age 22 was also the age where I fully stopped wearing that stupid "zombie" arm. It didn't do anything for me, it couldn't help me carry heavy things or clap my hands or climb monkey was a dead arm. I am so thankful I dropped it. It allows me to be really me...who I was born as. A fake arm didn't pop out of my mommy's tummy after me. Yet, since I was a toddler...I don't even know if I was even walking...I had been fitted for an artificial arm every time I grew out of the last one. No wonder I had self worth issues. I didn't think I was good enough...I wasn't complete unless I wore the cumbersome attachment. The limb that would help other people feel comfortable around...simalize me. Honestly, if I still had one of those arms I would wear it at Halloween to be scary. Like be the woman who grew a mannequin arm! ha ha ha ha!!!
 I make an excellent zombie...I love zombies, so I am quite proud of that fact. I have even been paid money, by Hollywood to be a that's conviction! ;o) I have always wanted to dress up and do the Zombie Walk when I lived in Vancouver. I never made it. This year...well yesterday to be exact...we had the very first Zombie Walk Gabriola. About 20 of us gathered to get ready at The Roxy; whitening faces, blacking out eye and nose holes, dripping fake blood from our mouths, eyes, ears and head and even putting watery clay into our hair and on our clothes to be more authentic. 1:30 arrived, and out the door we dragged our undead bodies...moaning, groaning and feverishly looking for something to feast on. We walked through Robert's Place while people were sitting and enjoying a quiet and cozy  late lunch...we left them with confused and shocked faces. Leaving there, we began to lumber, trip and shuffle our way down the street, through various shops and banging on windows and just causing zombie havoc. I carried along with me the arm from Rebecca, the lovely mannequin at The Roxy...we bloodied the shoulder bit. I am pretty sure it must be quite hilarious to see a one armed zombie slowly schlepping her way up the street while clinging onto a bloody arm that other zombies try to eat once in a while. hee hee hee. I tried really hard to always stay in character...just doing my uuuuuuuuuhhhh...the occasional drawn out and mis-pronounced word may have uttered out of my drooling mouth once or twice though! ha ha ha! Most passersby were quite amused with our parade...even those on the inside of the Woodfire Grill windows that we were sliding across with moans of hunger were laughing. Very fun!! I can't wait til next year...we will do some massive recruiting by then.

So anyways...I think it is good that I am able to laugh at myself in a fun and positive way. I feel like we all could be a lot happier if we could come to that conclusion as a collective. We all have something that is uniquely special about us...don't hide it...flaunt it whenever possible. Like...don't you wish YOU had the perfect zombie costume??? mwah ha ha ha hahaaaaa Happy Halloween! Be safe and have fun! ;o)


Friday, October 28, 2011

He's done it...

I have always been a huge fan of Clint McCartney. Since the evening we first made eye contact...waaaay back, in around Novemberish 1994, we were at the same party. I didn't actually meet him that night...but I saw him sitting on the floor (just like me) across the living room at a house party of a friend of a friend. I thought he was super cute. There was this other annoying guy that was being a chauvinistic pig staying til the end of the night trying to end up taking one of the "drunk chicks" home...but no girls were drunk enough to go home with the loser! ha ha ha! My girlfriend Mel and I had to get away from the stench of his old and dirty used pick up lines...I didn't get the chance to find out the cute guys name. About 6 months later, Mel moved into a room in the same apartment with Clint and a few of his buddies...super cool, old building on Wellington Crescent. This apartment had about 1500 sq feet of amazing character. I was excited to check out the "new roommate" housewarming party with my roommate at the time Merritt. I brought a beautifully "hand" potted (I did it with my one hand! lol) Aloe Vera plant for Mel and her new "boy" roommates. We mixed us some drinks and Mel brought us around the huge abode, introducing us to each of her roommates who were dispersed across the massive and amazing living space. Third roommate we met, in his bedroom hanging out with about 5 other people, was Clint. He was partying...he doesn't remember meeting me. (oops!) But I remember meeting could I forget those beautiful blue eyes and surfer boy looks. Then, in July 1995, I met him for real. Introduced, for the second time at "Another Roadside Attraction" in the Speedway, outside the perimeter of Winnipeg. We ran in the same circle after that and became quick friends. Through our friendship I learned a ton of stuff about a whole lot of things I would never even have imagined learning. ;o) He is smart...beyond words. University, I am pretty sure, from what I saw with my own two eyes and what I have heard of this higher was a cake walk for him. He is just a man who absorbs things that he has a passion for. In Uni, it was Anthropology. An Honours Degree he holds. Smart cookie. Fast forward to now...we started to date in 2002 after we had both moved, separately to Vancouver...we married in 2004. He's my best friend AND loverboy! ;o) hee hee

Clint also has a major passion for art. He loves the face...he studied skulls and people and all that. He used to play around with clay and create amazing sculptures of different people...made up 3d portraits he would sculpt just for fun. What a talent. In 2002, his roommate in Vancouver was getting ready to move away to Korea to begin his new life as an ESL teacher. In his deciding what to keep and what to "store" with Clint, and soon I, his "art stuff" was on the line...easel, acrylic paints, brushes, sketch pads. I was like, "Clint, why don't you start painting? You are artistically talented with the sculpting you do." So, he started to paint. He liked it, I think in the beginning because it allowed him to own some art for his walls...or furniture. First thing he ever painted was a "Pale Ale" label on his Ikea rolling coffee table. First portrait he ever painted was his "Sunburst Girl"...inspired by a Nine Inch Nails poster that he saw in a magazine. She still is his fave...some lucky guy in Van bought her off the walls of The Locus for a steal. We both miss that painting still! Clint always talks about repainting it...but he has an issue with reproducing an image he has already done. Funny guy. ;o)

Clint just had his 40th birthday...Old man! ha ha! He's been waiting for this one a looooong time. At the end of August he decided to start a new art project for himself. Being that he is a HUGE music lover, his favourite subject matter would be those amazing rock stars that have inspired, influenced and educated him with their lyrics, song and heartfelt, raw emotion. So..."A study of time and the influence of music in his far", became a sort of retrospective look on his first forty years. He started by painting this awesome image of Bob Dylan in sepia tone...pretty good start...this would be the first of 40 portraits. After he had about 15 paintings done in mid-September, I was thinking that this is something that needs to be seen. They were looking so freakin' fantastic. All of them were sepia toned...three colours used...brown, white and black. Having them all over the living room was looking quite amazing. We wondered what it might look like all up on a wall. The project soon became an art show that would be displayed at Gabriola Artworks, thanks to owner Kathy Ramsey. She is a big fan of Clint...why wouldn't she be? ;o) Well...last night was opening night! It was fun. We played a game...cause I like games...we had no names under the paintings for the first hour and guests had a chance to guess who each one was. The winner would get a painting done by Clint, their choice of person, rock star...relation. Fun times! The winner was Tammy Hudgeon (AMAZING fused glass artist!!!) along with partner in crime, the also fabulously talented Ode...they got 37 out of 40 correct. Right on rock 'n rollers!!! Wine, games, cheese, crackers, beer and rock stars...what an entertaining evening.'s a few of the portraits that are my faves. You can check out the whole show on Facebook on his CMcC page at CMcC.TheArtist

Rick Danko
Joni Mitchell

Dave Grohl
Keith Moon

Pete Townsend
Kurt Cobain

Janis Joplin
Roger Daltrey

Debbie Harry
John Lennon

Bob Dylan

My super, fantastic, amazing and talented husband Clint accomplished what he set out to do...he's done it! And I am really proud! xox

Thursday, October 20, 2011


We all love it, want it and pretty much NEED food to live. Although, I would say that in North America, a mass percentage of people eat food because they want it right then and there. And there are a million places to get it pretty much 24 hours a day...MacDonald's, Burger King, Subway, Wendy's, Boston Pizza, Tim Hortons, Quizno's...those are only names that popped right into my head the first few seconds I thought of good ol' Fast Food. You could wake up at 3 am (in the the latest thing open is the Co-op and it closes at 10) with a hankering for a hamburger, walk out your front door, step into the car, drive 5 minutes and ask a lit up menu to make you a burger with a Pepsi and fries please. It's THAT simple. And it's just there because years back we felt that we needed to have every convenience that a human possibly could have and now that meant food, it had to be available to eat within minutes of the "craving" coming on. Don't even get me started on "conveniences"...I could rant on that for hours. With that being said, I do think that we all should be able to eat if we are feeling hungry and we are fortunate to have food in our fridge or cash in our pockets to go out and get something. I just wish that every person in the whole world could eat because they too were hungry. Food is the one thing in life that no one person should ever have to go without. But they do. I might not have a ton of extra money that I can give out to various charities and such...but I have been known to buy food for someone I see on the street...donate to the food bank...bring a meal to one of the dudes I used to walk by each and every day that lived on West Broadway. (I don't even know where they would find shelter in the nights to sleep, but they would always be somewhere between Oak and Ash on Broadway. I would sit down with them on the sidewalk's funny how different people look at you when they think you are one of the "bums"'s hurtful.) Anyways...people should eat. And wouldn't it be nice if the food we ate was actually good for us? Like, not a burger from MacDonald's or even a sub from Subway, (don't be fooled by the vegetables they add to their high calorie sauces and insanely sodium saturated meats...) just because they have been "approved" by the FDA or whatever, does NOT mean that it is good for you or even actually meant for human consumption. I went quite a few years without eating MacDonald's, one day while Clint and I were in the city we were olfactoried over to the golden arches by their greasy and salty all too familiar scent of french fries. I was like..."let's go all out and get cheeseburgers and fries!!" I think I must have been feeling ill or something to actually have a moment of relapse into the world of cholesterol enhancing and heart attack inducing FAST FOOD. So gross. We were walking through the grocery store after and feeling quite nauseated and headachey. There were times that I actually thought someone rufied my iced tea or something because I was almost outer body. It was weird. What the heck are they putting in the food??? Some kind of chemical drug to lure you back for more...get you addicted to the "stuff". Ah!
Well, I was thinking that something I could do on my part to kind of combat hunger in my own personal way and in my own world, is to respect food. Respect it in the way that I do not need to overindulge in it. Eat when necessary and let your body do what it is intended to do without overloading it. I can actually We, being Clint and I, can actually lay and watch the stupid boob tube for a few hours to "relax" and go through a bowl of popcorn, maybe some ice cream and maybe even have started the whole binge off with crackers and cheese. That is so freakin' sick! Why would we torture our poor bodies like that...the whole thing...the laying there doing nothing, rotting our minds and shoveling junk into our mouths to fill our bellies that are just trying to digest the actual real meals we had that day. Food is not to be wasted. I am not a waster at all. I pride myself in leftovers and all that...but to snack obsessively is wasting food. So...I guess I am totally a big waster. What a bummer. But, I can change it. And that is what I am starting to do now. No more eating after no more late dinners. AND, no more, ever, EVER again to eat at any fast food restaurant. Even if I say it is only a treat because we are in the city and we never eat crap food. That sentence alone should be the greatest indication that we should not eat the fast's crap...duh! I just can' makes me feel sick anyways...even if it is sinfully delicious for some incredibly astonishing reason.  No more. I need to respect food, so that should mean eating food that is healthy and that my body will thrive on. That means growing as much of my own food as possible too. And that I have been doing for the past few years. It is awesome. And what a feeling to eat a full meal that was entirely from your own backyard. I would love to see more and more of that going on. I believe it is catching on...for sure out here on hippy island...but I know some city folk getting in on the farming too. It's fun and amazing to watch your plants grow and turn into scrumptious veggies and fruits and grains that you can cook up and serve yourself AND your friends who will appreciate it so very much. 

I wish I had started a garden in the backyard on Fraser St. in Vancouver. It had great sun...and a plot would still be there now for people to be like..."hey, there is a garden plot here in the yard...let's grow some FOOD!!"
Sunflowers reaching for the sun! Grow sweet ones grow! ;o)

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Photography and me...

I have a photographic mind...I can remember what something looked like years later. I can picture walking through buildings and plazas when I was 15 and cruising around South Western Germany with my classmates. I could probably find my way through the town of Trier based solely on all of the amazing and historical infrastructure in that beautiful and ancient city. I still can even remember the way my flesh was torn on my knee cap from when I fell off of a couple of pieces of 2x4 that I used to stack to step on and reach the latch for the backyard gate. After my fall, I remember sitting on the grass,staring intently at the dangling dead flesh on my knee and the hundreds of blood vessels I could see inside the flesh just waiting to spill out their liquidy red contents. I was 3 1/2 years old...I can visualize the whole scene from pre-fall to running back into the house once the blood came gushing out like it was 2 weeks ago. I love taking in my moments...I love all that I see, even if it is disgusting. It's part of life. I also love to capture these moments in film, errr, I mean digital, these days. I don't necessarily take photos of wounds and such...(although I do when it is so crazy gross to look at) but I do love to photograph the simple beauty in everything that I see.

 Wensday is one of my favourite things...she is such a sweetie pie. Her simple love makes me feel warm each and every day.
Mmmmmm...pretty latte from Artworks coffee bar! Work of art!
Summertime when the teeny creeping wild daisies grow all over the place. How could I feel any happier than lying amongst the daisies? I don't think I could...except if Clint were lying beside me...that would make it heaven!

Look at this guy...he has a real sweet tooth. He enjoyed one of my Gabriola plums. Maybe I picked it just for him...that's for me to know! hee hee hee

I was given my first ever camera for my tenth birthday. It was a Kodak disc camera (not this exact one, but very similar)...the film looked like a computer disc and it could take 15 images. I took that camera everywhere with me. Mostly to take photos of who I was with and all of the animals and flowers around us. I still have a lot of these photos and I laugh when I look at them. Funny how your perspective changes when you are an adult. Cool to see how I looked through the lens as a child. I would watch my dad take photos of our family and nature and stuff...but what really, super excited him was taking pictures of trains. Daddy'o is a trainspotter!!! He has been photographing trains for probably 40 years or so. He must have at least 500 completely filled slide thousands of developed films and even more slides that sit in their little plastic "slides" boxes waiting for the next time they get put into a carousel to be viewed yet again. We all make fun of my dad and his obsession...but he is an amazing photographer. He has had images (of trains) published in hobby and railroading magazines. He has talent...yes he does. I would say my favourite photos are the ones of nature though...I relate to those. And like my photo obsessed father before me, I bet I too will have a mass amount of images of all of my favourite subjects when I am in my 60's too.

Niko Gregoire
Soooo...clearly I love being behind the camera...but I have enjoyed some years in front of it too. That is what got me more interested in portraiture. I think my fave will ALWAYS be flowers and nature...but getting an awesome "model" shot is so very cool. I am really proud of the modeling I have done...and for the photographers that I worked with. All amazing and talented people. Here's a few of my faves...
Ron Skei

Hardwood Pinups
Doug Doyle

Daryl Spencer
Willis Hager
Syx Langemann (

Modeling is fun...I had a blast doing it. I also learned so very much from each artist I worked with. AND...I feel super blessed to have modeled for photography classes at Vancouver Photo Workshops...for, within these classes I have learned many a technique and camera skill. So onward I go in my life to keep on snapping shots of the the things I love to look at. Perhaps one day there will be an awesome manual camera that is lightweight and left handed. What a treat that would be for me. Until then...I have my trusty Canon point and shoot which does me just fine. Photography and me get along like 2 peas in a pod...well, at least we have a good time together. hee hee Let's start Shooting!!! ;o)

See ya later skater!! Peace.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

If I could say anything...

And thank goodness that I super over the top fortunate lucky that all of us in North America have that right. On Yahoo news yesterday I read that an Iranian woman is being sent to prison and receiving 90 lashes for playing a role in a movie in which there are scenes where she is not wearing her "Hijab" headscarf. What??? The movie is about government controlling people...that is the most basic way to explain it...and the government is pissed off so they want to punish her. 90 lashes. How can one's back even take a beating like that? It is so horrible. I am so thankful I live in Canada...and I truly hope and pray for her at this time. Someone has to save her from that somehow. Ugh...well what a super depressing way to start off a blog that I was wanting to be positive about. Too much going on in my mind sometimes...too much going on that is whack in this world that we have 24 hour access to. Oh information can be a curse!

Anyways...freedom of speech. I have it...I can say what I want and everyone is "okay" with it. Though some may judge me or think what I have to say is irrelevant or trivial or nonsensical but I am hopefully inspiring or helpful to others in their least I can say it in the first place, no matter what people think. And I myself have been doing a lot of thinking in the past while. Been super busy lately, but's been raining. Rain = water in my cistern =ing bath time!!! (my fave thing ever!) Spending hours in a tub allows for lots of think time...meditation time too thankfully. I haven't had much time to sit down and write my thoughts out...which is something that I enjoy doing and find helpful on a busy mind like mine. So...I open up my blog today and see my last post. Bummer dude. What a negative posting. It all turned out perfect in the end, so why did I feel the need to rant about angry feelings? Venting is good...that is why I guess. I instantly wanted to go and delete the post so that no one else would ever have to read some of the mean things that can spew out of me. I almost feel like it is gossip on a grand scale...even if I don't use names or whatever. It just isn't nice to publicly call people out. (just a FYI...I did email the "party wanna be a pooper" to let him know how I response...I guess that is why I vented out loud.) Anyhow, I can't delete a post that was there. I wouldn't tear a page out of any of my journals that I was unproud of. They are honest feelings. It is okay that I have them...but in being able to go over the "feelings" at a later date sometimes can be helpful. I can sit and read that and understand what in that situation really hurt me and how I can figure out how to not let "that" hurt me in the future. People do not try to purposely hurt us. Things people say and do are nothing but their own self projection and what is going on inside of them. Most things are not said with meaning of malice to others, (they can be though...but I believe those times are so over the top obvious...everyone knows at least one meanie, unfortunately.) it is just that WE take things personally. Well, I know that I take EVERYTHING personally. That is something that I am forever working on. And I think once I beat those kinds of thoughts out of my head, I can be that much closer to true happiness. I feel closer than ever to it. There are some pretty hard lessons that life will throw at us. But if we learn from them and truly become accountable to all of our actions and thoughts...we find peace. I want peace man. I think about every person finding their own peace and I can imagine real peace. Like REAL PEACE...ALL OVER the WORLD! Imagine...I am not even quoting Lennon...but it sure makes me understand his passion to try and spread the love of peace. He was a very smart man. <3

So...if I could say anything right now...I would say mind your words whilst minding other's words too. Life can actually be done that simply. It's not as complex as we have made it out to be. Just peace out.
Photo taken in Central Park March 2008...keep the dream alive. xox