Sunday, November 18, 2012

Happiness is...

"A Thumb and a Blanket." Hee hee...well that is what Linus from the Peanuts would say. We had a bath towel that had his image with those words on it growing up. It was my favourite towel to use after a long bath...must've been used by me and my siblings thousands of times. It became one of those towels that had been used and loved so much it was nearly see through...yet still kept up its drying power. ;o) Last time I saw the towel...there was only a piece of it. It had been cut up in about 6 pieces to make cleaning cloths for around the house. Kind of made me sad seeing a 'piece' of memory shredded and dirty and used up sitting on top of a pile of old rags in the garage at my parents home. The nice part about that whole scenario was that it WAS there...that piece of old towel was still around. It had been moved with them from Manitoba down to Texas 10 years ago...meaning, my mom might also have my affliction of holding memories in an inanimate object. I like how a piece of furniture, or a knick knack can send you back in time...make you think back to a happy moment in life that can make you smile, give you joy and peace in your heart. An overall warmth over the body, soul and heart...lovely. To me, that is a whole lot what life is about. The moments of bliss, of peace, of happiness and hilarity. To be able to look back and feel good about a time in your life is a wonderful thing...it's that feeling we need to keep with us so that the moments we are in are amazing enough that it will be a good memory one day too.

My birthday is fast approaching...this is an obvious time for looking back and remembering life, the good and bad times all come flooding when you are searching back. But I focus on the good...for the bad times had their purpose and lessons have already been learned, so no need to dwell on unhappiness or negativity. To age is a wonderful thing...I am not worried or sad that I am almost 40. It doesn't scare me or make me feel "too old". It makes me feel excited. I can't even fathom the new experiences I still have yet to have...life has so much to offer. Each day is pretty awesome no matter what you are doing...going to work, staying at home, traveling, running errands, sick in bed...whatevs, it is what it is and you got to just enjoy it or take care of the moment so it can be enjoyed to whatever extent that may be. Every breath is a gift.

The excited part about my birthday this year is the date...the numbers. 12/12/12 That is insanely cool to me...would be cooler if it were my 12th birthday. (somebody will turn twelve that day...lucky devil!) ;o) So...I am pretty stoked about this year. I am not planning any big party or anything. It just is going to be a magical day because it just is...and I ain't much for my own party. But something that will cause much excitement and joy and magic is what I actually might be doing that day...if it works out. My friend Lisa has asked me to photograph the birth of her first child! What? For real? Ohhhh yeah!!! I may just get to witness the birth of life on my birthday...that would be the most bestest gift in my lifetime. ;o) The baby is due on the 13th...so you never know! I am just so blessed to have been asked to join such an intimate and emotional journey with my friend, her boyfriend and the family that will be there. I know it will be one of those life changing moments...a memory that forever will bring happiness to my soul. I just feel so lucky to be welcomed to such an event. I may never get the chance to have it as a personal experience for myself...so to have the opportunity to be there with someone that I love and care for so deeply will be the very next best thing. Happiness is life...that is something I need to everyday remind myself of, and keep on smiling. ;o)

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All right...I am behind the times in my "Project 12:12". I have been a recluse for the last 5 weeks...taking care of myself. Plus, the last 2 weeks our truck has been dead...that makes it way easy to be a recluse! lol All of my time has been at home...just doing regular life. You know...eating, sleeping, walking the dogs, watching TV and movies, staring out the window, trying to help keep the house clean and of course taking pictures. hee hee. So here are my 12:12 moments from October 20-Nov 18th (today!)...nothing too exciting...but thew music is! ;o) 24 days left til 12/12/12...let the excitement begin! 
(photo disclaimer: visually, my life may not look too exciting...given most of my time is at home. But I am still enjoying staring out at the sea, watching tug boats, enjoying my daisies that are still alive in November, loving my animals, watching some good old movies, having a friend visit, going for walks and of course taking long hot baths...I just simply, love life.)
video
Today is a bleak blustery day...it might be yet another watch the boob tube kind of day. I am still giving this arm rest...well, except for this blog typing...ouch! I got to start vlogging now! lol Peace out party people in da house!! xox

Sunday, November 11, 2012

It's that day again...

The one day out of the year that we are reminded of all the men and women who gave their lives for freedom of people, freedom of speech and freedom to live. 

I am definitely not a supporter of war by any means...I just don't like fighting. (did enough of it as a kid!) I feel things could be done so differently. But that is me being an optimist...believing that everyone just wants peace. But it ain't the case unfortunately. There are some people out there who are just wanting to make a fight...they love the drama of it. Like as if life is some Hollywood movie production and it has to be as gory and mean and shocking as possible. It is so sad to me and I'm sure billions of others too.

Anyhow...today is not the day for me to spew my opinions of war. Today is the day...the one day out of 365 that we NEED to take a moment and be grateful for the soldiers who fought for us to be free. Our Grand Fathers and Grand Mothers...Great ones too. A lot of them died so that we could live. And thankful too for the soldiers who are fighting now...those who have given their lives in my lifetime. You are brave. Thank you. I will always remember.
Peace and love to everyone today and always. xox

Monday, November 5, 2012

Thank God for the sun today!

Man oh man...does the sunshine ever make such a huge difference to the way I feel physically. But more importantly, how I feel mentally and emotionally. The sunshine lifts my spirits and brightens my soul...I feel the warmth of the sun penetrate me fully...and I LOVE it! What a reprieve from the rain and chill we have been enduring. And just think...it's only just begun! lol I am just always so grateful for these sunny breaks that we do get during the bleak months. It really does lift the clouds away. Everyone is in a better mood when the sun is shining. 

Today I decided to take full advantage of the sunshine and take the dogs for a walk in the neighbourhood...I needed to get the mail anyways. ;o) I also felt the urge to be creative and informative...using both sides of the brain! hee hee. I have seen a few videos on YouTube with the titles reading something like..."How to make a peanut butter sandwich with one arm", and others. The people making these videos have two arms but one is tied to their side or under their shirt. They fumble around the kitchen or hallway or bench where they are trying to their shoe with only using one arm. So...how can it be a "How To" video. Well...they at least are good attempts at trying to do something differently than what you know or are comfortable with. These videos made me want to show how easy these tasks really can be with only using one arm. When everything you do is with one arm it is as normal as using two. ;o)

Anyhow...I made a video today...that was me being creative. And it is a "How To" video...that was me being informative. You can see the video HERE! Peace out!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Oh woe is me...there, I said it.

I love life...I really do. I am generally an extremely happy and positive person. I am one of those 'glass half full' kind of peeps...yes, some people find us types annoying! lol I really don't see the harm in trying to find the happy in everything. For our happiness comes from how we choose to see things...how we read the messages in each moment. We can see it as a bad thing or find the positive aspect in whatever has just happened. That is how I try to be...and at times it is a struggle. So I find that I will have those moments where I feel like I have had enough...frustration creeps in and I am just done with it. See ya...keeping myself holed up in the house and I ain't coming out. I would like to think that even the happiest man alive...Mr. Lama...you know, the Dalai...I'd like to think that he too has a day that just blows. (I mean...he is human) Especially because he is a big man on campus that is kept up to date with everything going on in the world...and there is a lot of crap going on. (big reason I do not watch the news...it's a sad and hateful world some times) He must just be like "WTF people!! If y'all just saw the good in things, forgave your neighbours, loved your neighbours, helped those in need, let go of greed for $$ and power, smell the freakin' roses...wake up!" He might just scream that from the inner depths of the temple...I would if I had all that negative input thrust into my brain. 

I am presently at the bottom of my glass...trying hard to keep my head above that water at the half way mark. I've been here before, but managed to keep my head high. My neck is too sore to keep it up...I am swallowing too much of that water. I like to say that life is like the weather...you wake up to a sunny/happy day...you wake up to a calm/bright day...you wake up to a gray/depressing day. I try hard to keep sunny in the gray days by still enjoying the waking hours that I do have. Lately, the weather has really crept right up inside of me. The rain that I hear falling onto the metal roof and rushing down the gutters is felt in every inch of my body. I can feel the cold drops penetrate into each pore and seep inside my strained muscles, tendons and joints. I lie in a tub filled with hot water hour after hour in hopes of warming my vessels and overused everything underneath my flesh. I have spent the last 13 days in the "cave" propping myself up with pillows, wearing my heated neck and shoulder pad watching endless hours of crappy day time tv...all in the hopes of giving enough rest to my lovely arm. The only arm that I was given that has helped me do absolutely everything in my life up to this moment. The arm that I abused trying to be as strong as everyone else around me. Always trying to prove myself by being the independent Pami on the outside whilst unintentionally damaging myself on the inside. Ugh...what a bummer. Oh to go back now and change...how many times has that been said by us humans? Hindsight is always 20/20!! lol

I can not change what I did in my past...nor really would I want to. Even with all the pain that I am in now. Past is past...I learned from things I did or didn't do. I ended up being quite an impressive specimen...like a He-Man or something. I could lift things some of the boys couldn't. hee hee. Not that it makes any difference in life at all...but it still brings a smile to my face. (I also could beat many a boy in an arm wrestle back in the day)

I guess really what I am finding so over the top frustrating right now is a list of things...
- why would the only arm I was ever given stop working on me? (sick joke!)
- why am I still suffering after 2 weeks of resting said arm?
- why do painkillers do nothing when pain is no intense?
- why is there no one around that can help me? (dr's, therapists etc)
- what did I do to deserve such suffering?
Yup...that is the "I feel so sorry for myself" Pami talking. When the going gets too tough for me to handle, i ball up. i hermit. I try to not see anyone so that I don't have to explain why i am being so lazy. I am NOT a lazy person. I enjoy being active and social and being a part of stuff going on. I like to make things happen that are fun for everyone. But I feel that is all changing. This suffering has just gone on too long and it has brought me to a level that my brain just can't handle anymore. I need someone to look at me and figure out what can be done. Dr's just say nothing...take it easy...take pain killers...get massage...get acupuncture...use heat...use cold...rest. I've done it all. What more can I do? There has to be someone. Dr. House...SAVE ME!!! ha ha ha ha!

All right. I have to stop this typing. Been keeping off my computer to also aid in the process of rest to my arm. But like, so boooooring!! I need a sunny day...at least I need to feel sunny. Send my woes away.

Felt good to vent...peace! xox