Thursday, June 13, 2013

Trails, Trials and Tribulations...

What a journey the last few months have been…preparing and then leaving home where we were incredibly happy but with it's share of physical problems making the move out east the decision to be made. Going away parties…tears, laughter, love and many many hugs and kisses were had during the time of "leaving". Knowing for 6 months that you are leaving home is a long set of goodbyes and heartache…like ripping a very sticky Elasto-Plast band aid super slowly off. It was hard, heart breaking and stressful to say the very least. I was in a constant feeling of complete overwhelming mental and emotional breakdown status…like somebody hospitalize me quickly before I lose my mind, kind of deal. Not to mention the fact that each time I gave something away to a friend and explained where and why I got it in the first place...it felt as though I were doling out my worldly possessions before I leave to enter the after life. Very strange feeling indeed. But we got through it all, with all of the love and support from our Gabriola family and left our little paradise island on May 27th. The trek out east was epic, to say the least. We stayed with family and friends and the Country Inn in Regina (I would actually recommend this hotel if you have to stay in Regina…it was nice and clean and incredibly comfortable.) all along the way. We landed at Camp Morton campground on June 1st. (Marilyn Munroe and Syder the cat's b-day) It was a sunny and beautiful day. Our friend Ken loaned us his tent trailer so that we could have a "temporary home" instead of just a tent…I don't think I could have handled the tent situation. A tent trailer is pretty chic for camping I must say. We don't have power or water or anything…but we have four walls that for the last 24 hours have kept us high and dry in the Manitoba Spring rain.

This is a most gorgeous place to be situated I must say. We are right on the banks of the western shore of Lake Winnipeg…perfect for watching the beautiful sun rise over the lake! Sun comes up about 4:50am…at least it did the other morning when I woke up in time to walk down to the waters edge and gaze upon the beauty that was before me. During the week we have the whole campground to ourselves (besides some fishermen that park and go down to the beach to catch pickerel and whitefish) ad enjoy the peace and quiet and tranquility of the lake. We are surrounded by Oak and Birch trees…many different birds; Yellow Finch, Purple Martin, other little songbirds, Seagulls, Eagles, Pelicans and Crows. And yeah, I tell the crows to get lost when they are trying to snatch the baby birds from their parents. The birds are digging my help..I know it! ;o) There are cool trails of soft green grass and lime coloured fresh leaves on the Birch trees above head. Walks along the beach that could take you weeks to go up the shore line…Lake Winnipeg is approximately 25,000 square kilometres…it's big! We walk up the beach for about and hour and find beach glass and cool rocks and stones and even a fossil or two. I am really enjoying the nature part of this new adventure…that is for sure. So much to enjoy and love. And it is all so very nostalgic to the both of us. Childhood memories of mind and olfactory senses play a big role in day to day life here. We love it!

I enjoy camping…think it is great fun and just love being outdoors. But the fact that I have no idea when it will end as we have nowhere to go home too is starting to weigh VERY heavily on my heart and mind. I went to bed crying last night and woke up the same way. We are essentially homeless…it is not a good feeling at all. I sure am glad that I have always been friendly and loving towards the homeless on the streets. This is a lonely and isolating experience. We have each other and of course Larry and Wensday too…and that makes it easier just to have our little family all together. Enduring the same struggle day to day. I feel bad for Clint desperately looking for work. At 41 it's hard to be unemployed and feeling like you are not able to contribute financially to life. I have faith in him…I know he will find something good and will be great at it. He has a great work ethic and does the very best he can…just hoping there are some doors that will open soon for him too. I can not even imagine the stress that he is feeling right now. And there is nothing I can do but support him and love him the best I can.

I know that things will fall into place eventually…but when you are at rock bottom, as they say…it's hard to look up and see the light. It seems like the doors and windows have been closed on us and no light can come in to help us live and grow. But that is just the "woe is me" girl in me speaking. It's the depression of leaving everything behind, feeling regretful about doing so and then feeling as though we are completely alone. I know this is all not true. I just keep reminding myself of that as to not be sent to Selkirk to the asylum! For there are days when I feel I may actually lose my mind.

I have been uplifted twice by visits from my family…nieces and nephews and siblings. Thank you guys for making the effort and taking the time to drive up here to see us and welcome us home. It really means the world to us…in ways you may not even comprehend. Just to feel loved and welcomed right now goes a long way. Playing in the water this past weekend with the kids was rejuvenating and wonderful. The sun so hot…the water refreshing…the sand warm under our feet and malleable to make our sand mermaid. What a fun day that was.

So…here's to the future…our future in Manitoba. May you be bright, warm and open up for us to come in and become part of this world once again. 

2 comments:

  1. thinking of you PamBam....hoping you are warm!...maybe even hot....ahhhhhhh..........

    xoxoxoox

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