Monday, August 26, 2013

Ode to Isolation

( be honest I ain't entirely sure on the definition of what an "Ode" actually consists of...lines/verse/prose...what have you. It's just pretty much my feelings at the moment wrapped up in a neat little easy to read platform. All is good of course...just my way of letting it out of me so that I can move on.) 

My eyes usually open before I am done my dreams
I get out of bed in a lucid state and a sweaty body
Am I home or not is usually the first question I ask myself
I feel this is home…well this province WAS my birthplace
This "home" we are living in is just a house to live in
Life doesn't feel real these past few months…as though in a dream
Is this the reason for my constant lucid awakenings…am I asleep
Each day is the same as the 24 hours just gone by the 24 hours previous to that
I break from typing to scratch the new mosquito bite on my left calf…itchy
Each morning I walk out the front door as I let Larry to chill outside
There really is no chilling, per se…it is hotter than the gates of hell on that deck
But I breathe in that thick, hot air and listen to the cranes flying over the pasture
I hear all of the chirping of various sweet little birdies…I love their tunes
I love the way the crickets and grasshoppers accompany the music in my ears
I love that big, blue with fluffy white cloud sky that surrounds my upper peripheral
Encompassing me each moment I am outdoors…not too many tall trees around
Not too many anything around these parts out here in the middle of no man's land
I take back the words "I don't mind isolation"…for I really had no clue
Spending time alone is something I crave each day…I like the silence
But…when all you have is yourself, the alone becomes your shackle
Tying you to yourself, your thoughts, your identity, your longing for friendships
I am not a hermit…I admit being wrong…I am a vibrantly coloured social butterfly
The colours are fading along with my zeal for happiness
How could this be? This is not me…I'm no longer free…This I now see
My sadness comes out in lashes…oh poor Clint…I know you hate it too
Hard to be the "optimistic one" when you just want to run back home
The home I loved for the past 6 years…I left my friends there…stupid me
I was searching for health to bring me happiness…screw my health
I want to live in pain if it means I live with peace in my heart
Daily greetings with smiles and hugs to fill my day
My heart is torn…here: family love…there: friend love
More than just friend love…nature love, ocean love, island love
My love that I wanted everyone else to experience in visits to see us
Family makes my heart sing like a mezzo soprano to a full house at the concert hall
The smiles and warm hugs of my sweetie ones take my breath away
Oh joy joy joy joy bliss…it streams right out of them into my heart
If only that strong sensation took away my pain
Whine, sob, wallow in the mire of that very same pain
The pain envelopes me more than the prairie sky in an open harvested field
I need to locate a great sunflower field STAT…run through the yellow towers
Find some joy and laughter throughout that sun drenched field of beauty
Something has to save me…save me from my misery
I'll try to keep smiling…for Clint…he is my greatest love…my true passion
"We got to get out of this place…if it's the last thing we ever do"
Confusing having two homes in separate places
Which place do you choose…do you only get the one choice
The choice was made…plan set in motion…that's ancient history
Well…for now it is what it is…we are where we are
We've got to keep on keeping on
With a smile on our faces of course…even if just for show

1 comment:

  1. oh Pam.....I really do hope you are feeling better in your body with the heat of the prairie...there are struggles wherever we live..there is joy wherever we live....

    "Ode" is my man's name!!....xoxoox