Every once in a while, I get up in the morning with a heavy, lethargic feeling in my head and in my body. My mind does not want to get out of the dreamworld that I escape to every night...I try to wake myself by looking at the clock and seeing it is already after 9:00, so I had better get my lazy butt outta bed. But seconds later, my eyes shut and I am back in the same place I left...back in my semi-reality life. Dreams are our life...we are in them sometimes as much as we are out of them. (I suppose, realistically, on average, dreams are 1/3 or even 1/4 of our life.) I don't always remember my dreams, but I do have incredibly vivid ones...like even to the point where I will remember a dream months or years later, with specific detail, then try to pinpoint that day and where I was. And then my brain does a double take and I realize that it wasn't for real...it was just a dream. ha ha ha. (Oh man, I could write a whole blog on dreams...I sure AM a dreamer!) Anyways...this morning I could have stayed in my "second life" and been quite content. Nothing wants to work today for me. My head feels foggy from the muscle relaxant I took last night...this is why I RARELY take the little house shaped pills. They do work. They really do. Each and every single muscle in my body relaxes...so relaxed all over that all I can do is just fall asleep. And that is exactly what I needed last night. I have been really busy lately with a whole bunch of things...I've been overdoing it. And yesterday my body was telling me to slow down...you move too fast!
Sometimes I just want to have a little pity party, just for me. "Why do I have to have chronic pain? Why was I born with one arm?" Wah, wah, wah...meh! I am not the only one to have these or similar "problems"...no one's life is perfect. But, oh how easy it is to let the ego take over and feel sorry for myself. Whatever. I have learned that I need to listen to my body...I need to pay attention and take care of myself. I am still young...there is much living to do...if I do the right thing for me. I haven't been doing that lately, so now I am suffering...my body is beating the crap out of me. I can barely even hold it together to write this all out...but I need to. I need to write it to remind myself why I shouldn't be going going going all of the time. I shouldn't have to take pills to make me feel better...my body should be pampered. I don't mean pedicures and massages what have you...I just need to be aware of it.
So, today I am sore. And that is okay. I will take a day off from my regularly planned schedule. I will rest myself and not feel bad that I am not cleaning the house, doing yard work or whatever else. A day for me. Perhaps I will watch some movies while lying down on the comfy spare bed...maybe I will go to the beach, lay down on the soft sand and read a good book, have a quick swim in the ocean to soften the muscles a bit more. I will not think that I am lazy by having a "do nothing" day. And I will not feel sorry for myself. I was almost going to go to the "woe is me" this morning too...I started to think about me being lame, then Clint was talking about his oldest brother Kim. (Kim is awesome. He is 18 years older than Clint, so almost father like to Clint...but not. Just a cool older bro that always has great advice.) So, when he finished speaking and my mind could go back to the part where I was feeling sorry for myself, I heard Kim say..."Take it easy baby doll". ha ha ha ha ha haa! Baby doll! He'll call everyone baby doll...it's quite funny. Maybe just to me and Clint...but it's funny when he says it. And just the thought of him saying it to me made me smile and realize that is indeed what I must do. Take it easy. You just got to work it out. Deal with the bad day you think you have been dealt. So what if you are sore, or feeling bad about something. Get over it. Move on. It all may seem so super sucky whatever it is that is bugging you, but this is your day today. What are you going to do with it. Be sad and depressed all day?? What good does that do? I have spent many a day in my life like that. It truly is not worth the effort because you just end up losing a day. We are not here forever...might as well make the best of it. I would like to go to sleep tonight feeling joy in my heart because I had a good day...doing something or nothing. As long as it was happy thoughts and just enjoying the fact that life is actually pretty good. And there pretty much is always at least one thing that is awesome in life...focus on it.
Huh...I actually feel better in my head. The heaviness is gone. I got to remember this. Let it out. Spill it. Unload the weight that brings me down and I will do much better for it. I really just got to work it out every day...and then I know that my life, my reality is good. Peace.
|See...reality is sweet. Spending a beautiful sunny Saturday, witnessing two wonderful people getting married...feeling love for my man...life is good.|